Motel 3

She could hear it in his voice, hear the pain that forced her choice. But with that choice came regret, the moment her head hit the bed. She still remembers well, everything, even the smell. The smell of motel sheets, of cigarettes, of his breath upon her neck. But it wasn't his that haunts her, it wasn't his that made her shake. For a strangers touch is far more painful, as he stood by and watched. Then came the sounds, cigarettes on skin, the pain muffled by hands that once felt soft, that once held love. As she gasped for air she begged for an answer, why the man who claimed love now acted with such hate. With a look in his eyes that she had never seen, he uttered the words that still haunt her dreams. "Yes I said I loved you but I also said you were beautiful, now honey which one do you think was the bigger lie?" With that she broke, the pain flooding her chest, the sound of their laughter echoing in her head. It was a pain that she knew would never set her free, so she stopped, and gave in as 2 became 3. Maybe this pain was gods form of mercy, for it made her numb to the pain of the story. With every blow and every burn, she never said a word, never begged, never pleaded, never said a word. For she was theirs now, and theirs alone, but as she gave up she wondered if she would ever see home. Bruised legs, slit wrists, and the burns most would miss, she found hope in the sound of a unexpected text. They handed her the phone like a ticket to freedom, as her moms scared voice rang clear, she was sure she could leave them. She picked herself up as they ran out the door, praying to god as her feet hit the floor. She washed herself off hoping her mother wouldn't see, but what went down the drain was more than blood, it was her chance to be free. She knew no one would love her, because love isn't free, and all that she had to give had been taken by three. When they left, they ran because they knew they had won, no matter what they had broken her, she was damaged to everyone. If he couldn't have her then she would never feel loved, never again without him, because he had taken her love. So from then on she hid it as best as she could, no one ever seemed to notice but she knew that one would. The one she fell for, her first chance to heal, but then the night came that she thought couldn't be real. He raised his voice, she felt it coming, that well known sting of a hand on her cheek, it didn't matter that he never hit her, what mattered was that she was afraid. For the first time she felt fear, the kind that had left her frozen so many times before. But the fear he felt was what broke the 2 for he couldn't love a tornado, he couldn't handle her fear, he didn't know how to bring her back from the shock and the black outs that became her main form of protection. She was broken, she was damaged, unloveable and afraid, her whole life shaped by that long past night, by the man that just couldn't walk away. Looking in the mirror she saw the truth for the first time, the truth that would haunt her the rest of her life. He made her like this, this was his fault, but what they did that night took her will, and took her strength to fight. It was over for her, she left that room alone, but no matter what she would never make it home.