Till death

Am I walking backwards or just standing still. Cuz I'm falling back to habits I tried to kill. I hide in laughter the real way I feel, that inside I'm shattered so I take a pill. To try to gather and and to try to heal , these wounds and bruises and the pain I feel, will it ever change only time will tell, death must bring heaven cuz living is hell, even if that's the matter I stay here still, beating back the blackness as I climb theses hills, never knowing what's next to happen in this game of life, constantly dodging the grim reapers syth. Never losing my focus always keeping my sight, when them dogs start to bark i just give them the bite. Just call me a pyro burning bridges left to right, spitting flames like Spiro never running from a fight. And if I lose the battle I still fight this war, stranded without a paddle trying to find some shore. Rocking back and forth hoping this boat don't flip, but if I go over board I'll just start to swim, waves crashing down but I'll never quit, only thing I'm drowning in is this liquor I sip, taking hundred proof shots call it a critical hit, so I'll blame it on that if I ever start to slip. But who am I kidding all I'm doing is slipping, rock bottoms I'm hitting, so I just keep on digging. Deeper and deeper I'm far from a keeper, cold with no fever life's my own personal teacher. But sometimes I wonder can I even be taught, I feel like life is a gamble and im just playing the slots, so fuck it come at me with everything you got, I may not reach the stars but imma damn sure take a shot. Like a fucking juggernaut I will never stop, you can take a leg and a arm then I'll just start to hop. Coming at you like a rabbit rapidly attacking so fast almost like it never even happened, but shit happens, can't relax cuz I'm in a paranoia panic. Never winning never fit in I was different kept it hidden, cuz nobody needed to know the way I was living. Grew up with shit my mom sold that shit just as as a kid I learned that life is a bitch. But that bitch will be mine right by my side, enjoying the ride as I bring it to unimaginable heights. I don't need the camera the glamour or lights, excuse my bad grammar just know what I write. Just know what i say and know what I mean, I'm all about change but it's hard to believe, when people betray and shoot down your dreams, its hard to have faith in this world full of greed. But you gotta find a way to make it to another day, sometimes you gotta wait no matter how long it takes. But if you got no patience get up and move, don't be scared cuz what's there to lose. Cuz even when everything is lost cherish everything you got, cuz at any given moment it could all just be gone, so take nothing for granite Be glad that you have it, cuz just like magic it could all just vanish. It's crazy but true all this could happen to you , so watch what you do and watch your next move cuz you could wind up dead on the news. Just know the choices you choose influence the future, so be careful what you choose and don't believe rumours. Cuz there is no more trust cuz honesty must have gotten lost in translation, can't even speak up cuz there is no more communication. Just instigating and ppl assuming, a side to every story but it's easier to just jump to conclusions. What are we doing its far from amusing, trying to go forward but backwards we're moving, running in reverse what can be worse. Trying to stay clean then we fall in the dirt. But that's how it works and that's how we learn , we walk through the flames just to see how it burns. And if we emerge from the fire still incline, these burns are what prove we survived, and I'll continue to survive time after time, even after hope dies I'll remain Alive , until I have nothing left and I draw my last breath, life is a forced in marriage so I guess I'm in it till death