Numb and Mental

I can feel my flesh being stripped from bone

I can feel the cigarettes burn till the nerves are numb

I can feel the adrenaline rush when the loaded gun is pressed to my head

but I cant help but to feel like I am already dead

there is so much I can not feel

I can not feel happiness, anger, or be sad

I can only feel numb like the first few minuets after being stabbed

my reality its self is gone like my emotions

its like I am seeing the world from behind a sheet of glass

this dream like state twenty four seven is the worst living nightmare anyone could ever have

even my sleep is disrupted

all I can hear is loud sounds of gun shots, pots, and pans hitting the ground

and some times its like my head is pressed up on train tracks

listening to the train come to a hauling screech when it brakes

I even hear these sounds occasionally while I am awake 

I often wonder if this stuff will follow me in death or if I am lucky I will get my long deserved rest