Losing You to Yourself

The itch that demands,

the strong impulse which shall never end.

This battle is a constant one,

this I formulate from within.

You tore up my family,

you tore up my heart.

You destroyed the one I love most,

& you've made her want to depart.

Depart from vibrancy,

the will to live soberly.

You destructed her far past a breaking point,

& now she's a reflection of brutality.

Separated from the one who raised me;

I perceived you as so strong.

You made numerous examples of heroism,

before you let yourself fall apart.

Now your but a frail,

a withered example.

Of the one you used to be,

your present image I'm unable to handle.

Handle the transformation,

that time has made apparent.

Now I'm forced to raise you,

because your brain has deteriorated.

The pain drains my energy,

the devil steals from my soul.

I know this demand all to well,

I've had this feeling since a boy.

Now here I stand,

& I'll attempt to stay strong.

For what you've done to my family,

I'll remember until my days fail to start.

Tears come and go,

but the pain remains constant.

The child-view of life left us long ago,

after this read, its apparent.

Now here we stand,

torn apart from what we had.

You reach out to me and I grit my teeth,

attempting to forget that I'm sad.

I hope I'll able to forgive,

your selfish quest for departure.

Right now its so hard to apprehend,

& the effects feel like deep acupuncture.

The one you married can't see past,

past your current image of decadence.

The combined hatred creates your impulse to disaster,

& your destructive cycle is boundless.

You meant everything to me,

and this has not changed.

However my view of you is in shame,

and alcohol is to blame.

What you've done I can't apprehend,

and I hate myself for the same impulse.

I wonder if one day I'll give up,

because my efforts never penetrated your mental.

Days turn to months, months into years.

Your time is limited here,

from the effects of all the shears.

Your shears are permanent,

Your liver is due to fail.

However every-time you hear this,

you never seem to care.

Back to the cycle,

of your every day misery.

The alcohol has driven everyone away,

And yes mom, your choices led to my scrutiny.