Self doubt an understatement.

she misses being a kid
all she remembers is wanting to be a super hero when she grew up.
you can say she is.
anxiety is your body's response to perceive danger and hers is so strong she considers it a super power
you think she's brave you just haven't seen her out of her custom
and like spiderman she was convinced that to save the ones she loved is to leap from a tall building
When she was young she was so unaware of the sadness that could swole her happiness easily.
It began when she was young
she grew up in a house fire but no one died in the flames but they all lost the ability to breathe.
there were days she would rather run through the fire then take the fire escape,
another way out when everything was burning.
but she didn't tell her therapist that, so she could be another theory of his.
she didn't tell anyone
hiding your problems is like giving someone a rose but taking off the thorns so its easier to hold
she didn't want to be the side effect of a mess
It was like another advantage that they had over her.
she didn't want to come off weak, she would never put the gun down while it still had bullets
but not telling anyone didn't ever end well.
Her last boyfriend said he couldn't handle her when she got like this
thats why its called panic attack not panic fair fight, theres no winning
your constantly losing
Hes gone now but depression is her best lover, so persistent, there when no one is, and always finds a way to make it about you.
Forgetting the bedroom isn't fun, that the dark shadows aren't amazing mood lighting.
But it was easier for her to stay in this abusive relationship then to fix the things created.
Its like is being tired, when you're never able to sleep
Its pity, when you hate other's sympathy
its wanting more, when you never acknowledge what's already there.

That was the start of everything else
the weight gain, its like being overweight was like murdering someone, the looks, the constant fear that someone would call you out for 'letting yourself go' or 'aren't you full?' like a cell she locked herself in her room, as if she didn't have enough on her plate.

there was never a moment she felt pretty, that 6 letter word wasnt in her dictionary.
No thats a lie, it was
she felt pretty ugly, pretty dumb, pretty disgusting.

You see her life was a gift she wanted to return.
But nowadays when she gets ready and goes to the shop, buys food, makes herself dinner, sleeps.
there good days.

because some where in the mist of all that depression, anxiety, obesity, and looks she figured out.

it'll get better, well it can get worse, but shes dealt with worse so it cant be much worse.

but nevertheless it'll get better.

and it did.

she can understands that depression is her illness and that she can wake up, get out of bed, and when out and coming home doesn't forget to get eggs.
and if she lacks in lust, and might have stretch marks it just shows no proves that her body adapts to any situation, and that her love handles are there to scare away those who are to afraid to handle her love.

she built a house of insecurity and while her mind was a construction sight it still stood.
but she didn't want to take it down, she painted over it, gave it knew doors, but the walls weren't the problem it was the girl upstairs in her bed room all along.