Remembering

I can't explain the feeling I get when I randomly smell your scent on my clothes or when I'm going through our old messages.

I can't tell if when I recognize your smell on someone else, but noticing a slight difference, if it's me missing you or just me remembering.
Remembering the way things used to be, before you slept with her and
lied to me
before you fought with me before you
made me believe that you were
someone other than who you were.
And maybe she's why you feel the need to
tell me I'm the most gorgeous woman in the world maybe
the guilt just eats you up so much inside that you
pretend that saying nice things to me will somehow
cancel out the fact that you are
NOT who you said you were or painted the picture of you to be
you do not love me-
you lovED me, past tense,
and again,
I can't trust that any love is real hence,
the leaving of us on my part.
Later down the line where I'm fine and
feel a random pang on missing you inside I'll remember
all the times you asked to kiss me and
I said no and all the times you tried to get me alone I stood my ground and I sometimes wonder now
if I'd said yes, maybe I'd be broken into pieces beyond any fixable mess.
I know that this is the right thing, and the best thing for me to do.
And I know you say it breaks your heart but for me and forever,
we're through.