Suicide Story

Every morning at 5:40 a.m i wake up for school.
I open my eyes and shut off my alarm.
Not wanting to get up, i rolled over to turn on my light.
I jump out of my bed and head toward my closet to pick
Out my attire for the day.
Thinking to myself,
"I like this shirt"
"People might actually notice me or think im cool in this
Outfit."
I Exited my room and ran down stairs.
Stepping on the last step i noticed that
My living room was so dark and cold,
It felt being locked in a walk in freezer with no light.
Once i get into the bathroom,
I do my usual;
Sit on the toliet
And scroll through my phone until i see 6 a.m
Advertise across my screen.
I turned on the shower
And begin to get undress.
Before i step foot in the shower,
I glared at my reflection in the mirror
And start judging myself.
If judge judy and simon cowell became one person
I would be that one person when it comes to judging myself.
My face start to frown,
My lips start to tremble
And i tear rolled down my face.
I felt that lump in my throat that you get
From fighting your tears.
In that moment
i thought about every hateful comment in my head.
"Why are you so ugly?!"
"Youre such a loser!"
"Nobody would care if you died!!"
I stared hoplessly at myself.
I took both of my hands
And clawed at my face
Wishing i could rip away all my flaws
And replace it with a flawless coat of skin.
Staring angerily at my reflection,
Hoping that one day i will become a different person,
Hoping that those comments would leave my mind,
Praying that people will accept me
instead of teasing me.
Praying that god will take me away
From this cruel place.
My phone buzzed.
A message that continued to break my heart in half,
"You are gonna die alone"
Another message came in
"Nobody likes you!"
All i could do at that moment
Was shut my phone off and throw it on the floor.
6:25 a.m
I sat in the corner of the shower,
With a soapy sponge in my left hand
Rubbing my right arm while my body is in a daze
I sat there day dreaming
with my head leaned back against the wall
Trying to picture a better world where i can be happy.
Snapping out of my daze,
I dropped my head in both my hands
And my eyes were forming water flowing tears.
One drop of my tears could kill two ant colonies.
My tears was all i could feel running down my face
In stead of the shower water.
My pain made me think my shower was a power wash
And i was getting peltted with ice cold water in my back.
So i guess this is what it feels like
to get stabbed in the back.
6:31 a.m
My mom tapped on the bathroom door,
I heard her say "honey are you okay?
Are you almost ready? The bus is on its way."
Holding back every tear
The lump formed back in my throat.
I sniffed and told my mom a lie,
"No mom im fine. Im not going to school today
I dont really feel good.
So tell the bus to go on without me."
"Okay baby let mommy know if you need anything, do you want me to check for a fever?"
"No thanks i think im going to just go back to bed."
"Alright sweetie"
I held back from breaking down until i barely heard
Footstep.
I soon convinced myself to turn off the water
And grabbed my dry towel.
Wrapping it around my waist
I started to head back to my room.
Entered my room
Closing the door behind me
In that moment i just wanted to feel was wanted.
I tucked myself in warm bed.
Laying on my left side
With my left hand prompting my head.
A tear dropped,
A minute later i had my own river running down my arm.
I closed my eyes wishing i could never wake again.
I slowly crept my right hand under my pillow
To grasp hold to a short shiny sliver razor
That had blood left over from last time.
This time was going to be the last time,
This time im gonna end it all.
Broke down at the thought of leaving this world was scary. But not as scary as living on the world.
It shouldnt have came to this,
But its time to give the people what they want.
Huffing and puffing with a frown on my face.
Breathing air through my teeth,
I pressed the razor on my wrist.
"I love you mom im so sorry"
My final words before i slit my wrist.
Both right and left arm had blood rushing out.
I closed my eyes again to bleed out in my sleep.
I couldnt die being awake.
Goodbye life.
It sucks i will never know what its like
To attend prom
Lose my virginity
Get married
Or have kids.
At 7:20 a.m
and at the age of 15
I was found dead.
Fake cause of death: suicide
Real cause of death: bullying.
This was my suicide story.