Things that I will never say

And in our silences, I hear myself break.
I feel myself loosen as I try to pull my seams shut.
It's so quiet here between us, even though I hear your voice,
And even if I had a choice I would never let myself speak.

In our gentle, little glances I try to tell you the truth.
But it never seems to come across clear enough.
My Morse code blinking never seems to do the job...
But I think that's mainly my fault.

See, when you grow up like I did
You're taught to never let yourself become vulnerable.
So I hide my insecurities in my goodbyes,
And I hide my fears in my I love you's 

And I'm so scared of coming across as vulnerable
That I do not tell you I want to die.
I do not tell you that I heave dreamt every angle of my death
Or about the things that I keep hidden
I just keep regurgitating that I'm...Good today...
I'm as good as I never have been.