Addiction

 Addictions the hardest to quite, is it me or all the ideas I play in my brain. Is see everyone starting me down do they now or is it the  foolish  believing  choices in maid 

my depressed socialization. What have I become. I want to quit all the  mobilizing disorder that I once that I so  deserved. Never once have I thought about my family and the friends I have. To think the past is the past but why am I still in it. I'll never now why I am torn in my mind. Four years I've been playing mind games with my self. But only to realize my self distraction I now I'm falling not even my  Guardian  Angle there for me because I'm rejected from God.

the disease along with my social live is only but time in a prisoner of my own mind. With my  diseases and thE Night terrors  indore. Socializing with those who don't know me confused of my actions.  Maybe It's just they see a trapt man who will only them. But on the contrary believe I'm only hurting my self I've become my own demon with more baggage. I can only see the depressed faces lookig at me as they laughing scorn. At the idea I want to only be like them. Maby when I'm dead they will  regret the opinions of miss under standing they see.

As I bursed out crying in Side case I'm th only one too blame.have I taken it so fair to believe I'm less of am man because I can't hold a job. And I till my self I'm no good for life so take that pill to numb my brain. So I don't think the way I do and become a fuck up that I see every day. I now I'm a good dad, husband and family member. But my mind see the looks and body language of others and i start to think am I Evan any thing but a peace of shit to those who don't now.

am I hard to now am I mistake to those who see there ideas and morals as better then mine. When I'm bleeding to be normal. I feel different and alone yeah i got love from my family and I want to change. But I come back to the past moments in my brain and the pill just comes so natural. But I want help but not how social media wants to help by more pills. And institutionalized. With no family to bare by my side.

I no I need my life, family, friends and most of all i need God. And for you to no I don't hate you I'm  confused with these feelings and judgments I see on an every day bases.

See I love the good in people I see it Evey day. But I see a ddifferent in there body language and eyes. But I still love every one more than they will ever now. I have always prayed for the best every ones daily life but there so confused by what they here and see. That it blinds them from what my morals in and decisions I've maid. That they hate to even here ore see me.

maby that's why I've hated my self and learnt to  demonstrate. The  difference of views. To only be ashamed of my self and that of others.

see I pray for those with nothing and those who have to pass away. Is there a heaven or hell and we're will I be going. Am I soulless undetermined person with no futer to be looking Forred to. I'm only alive because of three things. Family,  determination, and the promis I maid to my dad to never give up. So we're will I learn and when will I become faithfully to the believe structure I believe in. When will I show people I deserve them and when will I ever be normal. I now in my heart I'm not a criminal.

I want to be loving and trusted. Not the man with a dark so that I have. I now I'm better thin this. And others  including me does deserve to under stand each other.

after all I am who I am I have a name, I am not a criminal. And I am morally a man. And so are others and I just want to  appreciated. Not condemned. For I have always loved and never wanted people to think the woresed of what time brings. I do here and I can read. And I do play dumb to try to proof that only there opinion may just be wrong when i decide to wake up.

but to never slams it there face, but to make it a social subject for us to all talk about. And become better people. To never force an opinion on every one. But to become a  Unity with each other. I don't want to now the bad in each other I jest want to change me and what is that about me. I'm not a criminal. But Tyler a person a human. Man and dad family member. I love I don't fight unless some one needs  safety. I don't want to hert you. I just want to show you the real me with out limitations. May I change my life and may God bless us all