Why do you do what you do?

You're a broken record spouting out the same lies and promises that hold no worth.

They will soon be broken, broken like my bruised and beaten heart.

The very heart that once yearned for your love and your approval but now it lurks in the shallows; hoping to go unnoticed and to be spared of any further heart break.

Why do you do what you do?

Continually lying to and hurting everyone around you, the very ones you say you "love".

Are you so naive to think that your apologies, like band aids, will fix the broken bones that you've caused?

You are so very wrong my dear.

You cannot do the same thing over and over and not expect us to get tired of the empty apologies and promises.

For my hopes are little but my disappointments are many.

The unconditional love of a child for their parent has vanished.

As have my hopes to ever actually know you.

The walls I have built are tall and mighty.

They can withstand all of your games.

However my heart is still under construction.

It is not as strong as I once thought.

And I no longer wear it on my sleeve to be broken and used by you.

But the touch and patience of a mother.

My mother, has brought solace to it.

She is the reason that I have not left.

She and my brother are the only reasons I choose to stay.

To take your beatings

To be undermined by you

She is like the tide, steady and strong.

Stronger than I have ever been and ever will be.

She has been my defender and protector

When I could not defend myself she was there

When my mouth was sewn shut there she was

Defending me from your hurtful words and misplaced actions

I try to be strong because it is the only choice I have, the only choice I have ever known.

If I were not strong you would have crushed my spirit years ago.

The resilience of a child has saved me

And because I have realized this is not how it should be

My children will never know me or their father by empty promises and a cold heart

They will be loved and spoken to with kind words and we will listen with open minds and hearts.

We will be the ones they turn to

Not strangers on the Internet and not alcohol

We will be the ones that comfort them in the dead of night when they are over come with pain

We will be the ones that love them

I will love them with all that I am because I never want them to bear the same pain that I do and because that is the least they will deserve.

They will know the unconditional love of a mother and a father.