Starting to miss what I once had.

Starting to miss what I once had. As each days goes by you never know what will happen. Some days you'll feel like everything is okay, your over it. You can walk around with a smile on your face. You can laugh without thinking about what your going through. You feel like all the weight has been lifted off of your shoulders.
Then there's other days..
You think about everything at once. You can't get up or eat because your stomach is always hurting. You can't look at anyone because you'll cry. Sleeping most of the day away to keep from over thinking. Not being able to focus on things you know is more important. Feeling like everyone & everything is against you in every type of way. That's the days where your starting to miss what you once had.
Some days your in the middle. You can put on a smile, even laugh a little. But inside you feel like your dying. You feel like you care too much. You can get up from time to time, even have conversations. But you can't help but think about what's happening. You know things won't be the same, but you can't help but not give up. Those are still the days when your starting to miss what you once had.
I swear one little thing can take you back into your deep thoughts. They're hard to escape from. They follow you everywhere. As much as you try to not care, not think about the toxic thoughts they over power you. Its crazy how things have such a hard impact one someone. Sometimes no matter what good you do, no matter how hard you try, no matter how often you pray, no matter how many tears roll down your face, no matter what bad you go through, things happen for a reason. Once you realize that you will not be starting to miss what you once had.