Insecurity

It's that moment, that moment you're putting on your makeup and it's not working. You're not feeling beautiful like you planned to feel, so you want to scream and spit at yourself in the mirror. You feel disgusted, you feel that you failed and so you've started crying. People tell you that you look beautiful with or without makeup, but they could never see what you see when you look at yourself. You see every awful name people have called you, you see all your flaws, and every line is as noticeable as the mascara running down your face. You want to feel pretty so bad, but it was that one bad makeup day that ruined it all. All your flaws you tried hiding are not hiding like they should. Eyeliner is uneven and you have eyeshadow smudges on your face. You wonder what it's like to be those girls, those girls who seem to always look pretty. You want to see what those people who call you beautiful see when they see you. You rarely feel all the compliments others give you, so you just believe the insults and self hatred. How dare they call you beautiful, how dare they lie and try to falsely build you up. In the end, you just avoid the mirrors and cameras. You know what you see, and what you see is dreadful and flaw.