Transcendental Awareness

At first, the voice that composed the message on my voice mail that came out of nowhere perked up my senses, as usual when hearing from a boy of which I am fond

This time, my sensibility took me beyond all of the fluff that clandestinely hides a very well thought out plot

A game plan

An emotional roller coaster in a scheme park

I dialed his new number that I assume came with his birthday phone.

No answer

No voice mail

Nothing but the irritation setting in deep enough to get me to start transposing my thoughts into  text, which I try to avoid at all costs if possible

I poured out every emotion

Everything that still remained within me, rotting me down to my bones

So, now he has chosen to disown my existence in his life entirely

Leave it to him to utilize his uncanny knack to adopt extremes which are not at all human

They cannot come into fruition through the mortality of any one man

Yet, so often the very idea  of them is what is harnessed to size up life situations

It is never all, nor nothing

But, rather, everything that lies in between

It is obscene to witness so many idiots trying to play God

The game is over, Rover

The one that this guy like to play the most has been, indeed, for quite awhile now

He gets dumber and dumber every time that we go another round

This last time, we never went anywhere but backward until I lost him to the cloak of the night

Everything that he proclaimed he had learned went right back to where it was when I left it before

He was fooled by every darkened whisper

He was tempted by every little whore

I became once again the bitch he thought that he could ignore until he could figure out a new way to use me

Like I am some love-sickened fool with eyes that no longer can see through their own lenses

I don't cry anymore

Not over those who I have wept too many times for already

In fact, I believe that his over-reaction to my analysis was actually a blessing in disguise

Wisdom sometimes embarks upon its own journey through me so that my emotions will not be able to trick me back into an old, tired lair

There are warrens all over the lush flora all around me that have within them many rabbits with whom I can kick up my heels

I will never listen to a man tell me how it is that he feels because feelings do not require lips to be displayed

It is a damned shame that I was forced to put him in his place this time around and even more so that, after all of these years, he still cant just take the fucking reigns

All that he seems to have control of now is how well he caters to his addiction through the track marks around all of his veins

He should have found me weeks ago

He should have fought much harder to win back my heart, spoken something epic to the depths of my soul

I am curious as to what his goal was in calling me, and why did he wait until right then?

The "now" made me snap to the "never again"

It took me four years just to get to where I am with it all

Four years to reach the point of transcendental awareness....

12/29/2015