Illumination of the Vapid Self (for Purchase, NY)

I’ve been looking for it.

I’ve been waiting and hoping

And drinking and smoking

And killing myself every night.

I’ve dissected trees

Painted on bright blue canvases.

I’ve been bathing in creeks.

Cleansing myself of indecision.

As the cool water washes away all doubt

I wonder what my fate holds for me.

Will it be misery or joy? Humiliation or glory?

Will it be light to show me the way?

The way to nowhere.

To “El Dorado” of self-worth.

Show us where you lie, oh great one.

Show us where you rule.

We make war and death.

We make greed.

As I walk into my conscious mind;

Soldiers march to their unconscious death.

I’ve been looking for it for a while now.

The meaning behind it all.

Writing down my questions,

And lamenting young lost souls.

The child’s mind is shattered and the young man awakens.