Internal Cry

You continue to try and show domination of this household.

I'm tired of the tactics and the tone

You use against all of us to instill fear.

To bend our wills to do as you'd like.

Outside I look blank, but inside there is a match.

trying to figure out how to handle this emotional distress.

The words he uses cuts me so deep,

even when they are not being used against me.

Those weapons are the strongest...

The ones that hurt and belittle my family

And I can't do anything, I feel so POWERLESS.

I would rather it be me.

I feel like hurting myself because I feel so trapped.

I thought once I was an adult I would be free,

I wish this was the reality.

But instead it is starting to get worse.

He complains to my mother or drives off angrily.

Is the cause of this getting worse because...

Mom let him back again, or if he is back on the drugs.

I feel bad for my sister because she gets it the worst,

because of her personality it's hard for her to comply.

But she is his daughter,

so he feels he has the right to make her be what he believes is correct.

My sister doesn't see the issues he "sees"

I wish I could save her, but unfortunately I cannot.

My mother either doesn't see the way he acts

Or chooses not to fix it.

I'm tired of being here, but I have no where else to go.

Only a couple more years and I can get out.

Make him stop, make it stop please, I can't take the abuse.

It causes anxiety and makes me withdraw.

Reminds me of the things that happened when I was small.

I can't stand this evil any longer.

If it continues, I fear I will end up with more scars.

PaPa I know you have the power to make this change.

I hope it is in your will to no longer be this way.

I don't know what to do please make it clear,

because I will follow, and I'm willing to hear.

What is is you want me to do.