closed off..

I've become so closed off from love I don't know where I stand

I'm a lost little girl again and this is something I never planned

I'm scared to feel insecure, act like the way I used to be

that neediness, desperate to be loved.. what if it never leaves me

single for 4 years and I'm stronger on my own than I was with anyone else

how do I keep that in my next relationship without ruining this version of myself

I know I'm good enough, I know what I deserve 

but that won't stop me from becoming her

I guess that's my greatest fear.. that I'm gonna go backwards into the past

revisit that person who hit self destruct and took everything she had

maybe that's why I have a bubble around me that blocks every woman out

I automatically assumed I'm friend zoned and shut it all down

one day I'm sure someone will enter my life and all these worries will just fade

she will accept all parts of me and I won't need to worry about change

luckily I'm more patient these days and willing to wait rather than settle instead

I just need that person to love me despite the monsters hidden under my bed