Frustration

People are so quick to judge and think I'm always so pessimistic,

But they do not see the battles that I enlist in.

They do not see the days at work where I fight to constantly smile,

Even though my negative thoughts could stretch for miles.

They do not see the tears I shove back,

Or the positive self-talk I use to keep myself on track.

All they focus on is when I'm having a bad day,

That sometimes I choose to let it stay that way.

That sometimes I don't fight to smile,

And they see this as wrong.

They say I need to learn how to cope better, and keep staying strong.

I guess they don't understand how tiring that can be...

or that it isn't possible.

Because sometimes you will be down,

and that is okay.

As long as you don't let yourself melt away.

And when the opportunity arises you lift yourself out.

By no means am I saying I do this well at all.

I know I still have work to do,

And sometimes I do need to be "woken up"

But I also know that I do not need people saying I'm not trying.

What I need is people asking what coping skills I have been using.

Or people that let me tell them about something good that has happened.

Who will take into account all the good times I have had and not just the bad,

and if I slip up, they don't like everything has burned and crashed.

Chances are I will be more open, and we won't risk having conflict.

When I feel judged I will withdraw and get defensive, because I feel like I'm being attacked.

I understand that you guys care and want to have my back.

But sometimes tough love or brutal honesty isn't the right step.

I know you went through similar things, but I am not you.

I have a different mind, I am more sensitive, this is a totally different experience than what you battled against.

I told you I wont give up, just give me time.

Sorry I know this one didn't really rhyme ;)