Behind my smile

You may see a happy face
You may see a toothy grin
You may see a light in my eyes
But that is all a thin mask

I want to break down
I want to let it out
I want to stop acting like I'm fine
Because I'm NOT

Behind my smile is pain
In my eyes is a tiny spark of hurt
I hide it the best I can
Behind this daily mask

I want to break something
I want to scream for someone to hear
Will I try to bother someone?
No

I am a burden
I was made only to help
Not to stand in the way
It doesn't matter how I feel

Who should care about me?
Why would someone?
I am the one who helps everyone
And deny myself the right

The problem with being selfless...
You feel like you shouldn't be helped
So you sit in your pain
Behind you smile

That fake smile
Everyone seems so gullible
It seems to convince everyone
Except for the very very few

I sometimes want someone to notice
To ask if I'm all right
The problem is...
I would say yes

I don't know why
Because behind my answer...
I am screaming
Screaming for help

I want someone inside my head
Who can tell exactly what I need
How to make me feel better
I will not tell you

Most have to pry
Ask the right questions
Convince me to trust them
That is the only way to take off this mask

Once you have the real me
It is noticeable
Everything stops
I let the pain show

This pain that is so hard to cover up
And yet I manage day to day
I will sometimes try to hint
But no one gets it

I don't know why
Am I the only one that feels this pain?
Pain that makes you shake
Pain that hurts so much you CAN'T cry

I just want to be happy all of the time
God, why can't I be happy?
I'm tired of acting
I'm tired of saying I'm fine