Thoughts replayed

Reality: bright lights,short fights,

Darkness.

Calm, cool, and collected.

But in my head:

Thoughts, scenarios,

hundreds of reasons why,

Nights that I cry.

Put the lies back on the shelf,

Put on the mask

So they won't ask.

Don't cry, it's easier to hide.

Don't look in the mirror,

This cruelty has no cure.

Bury,

Bury,

Bury,

Until you can't bury anymore.

Explode in a huge episode,

Then sob in silence.

FLASHBACK!

Fear, self loathing, hopelessness.

Hunger to be set free.

Take off the mask,

Put it in the drawer,

Let the tears pour...

No one must know,

Questions?

Too personal.

I look like I'm dressed for a funeral,

But I'm the one being carried to my grave,

Buried deep in a sea of my own thoughts.

It's a dark place here,

Morbid thoughts,

Things I was taught,

Things I don't understand.

I walk to the mirror,

See something that isn't me.

Reflective surface,

Self hating curses.

Let me out,

Let me breathe,

Let me see.

Too much to hold,

I feel cold,

Sharp pain,

No relief,

Until all has ceased.

SILENCE!

It is never quiet in my head,

Insomnia takes over my once clean bed,

Now dusty and dirty,

I try to rest,

But all I do...

Is think myself to death.