The Encounter

I try to outrun him, but he always catches me.

Makes me see the hardest things that haunt me.

The memories that make me feel like I no longer want to be.

I beg for Past to stop bringing these things to the surface of my mind.

But sadly, he laughs and says, “There is no easy way out this time.

You have to learn how to handle the pain the correct way.

You no longer can shove it down until it bursts, or cut your wrists.

You must handle the pain the right way, or else the ache will persist.”

“It hurts though, my insides are being shred and my thoughts won’t slow down.

I am afraid, I want to hide and never come out.

How much longer Past? How much longer will you torture me?

When will you finally let me be free?”

His reply leaves me shaken, “You should be asking yourself the same thing.

When will you be ready to let this go?”

“I am not the one bringing the memories to my mind, I laid them to rest long ago.

It is you who constantly brings them to the surface!”

“Child, you could not be more wrong. I do not have the power to make you remember I am dead,

 just let them go, remove those horrors from your head.

Those memories are gone, just lay them to rest. You have the power and always will.

I know telling you this doesn’t make it any less painful,

And it shouldn’t.

You have the choice to hold onto the pain, or turn it into something else, it is up to you.

But just from how we have spoken, I know which path you will choose.”

Then he is gone, I am left all alone, perplexed.

I have the power, if that is true, what will I do next?

I no longer feel the painful aches, they have transformed into strength and authority.

I will not let those memories have control over me.

I understand now, what it is I will have to do.

I also know I won’t always feel this clarity.

Sometimes I may still be a mess, but that is okay with me.

Now I understand I have the power to make it stop.

I just have to learn how to use it.

I finally feel free.

Past has saved me.

He taught me that he does not define me, or have power over me.

But he does help shape me, shows me my inner strength.

Now that I have found it I will not let it go.

I will wear it on my sleeve and let everyone know.

I have survived, and while it was painful, I found who I am…

And I wouldn’t change it for anything.