Courting Agony

Courting agony sounds like melodrama doesn't it.

But after some introspection its the phrase to fit.

Im trapped in myself unable to express myself.

I try to no avail and eventually i place it on a shelf.

Lying to myself that all i need is the the perfect chance.

And around and around inside myself i dance.

I do not like myself this much i know.

But myself is who i most want to show.

Not my representative who stumbles over his words.

I don't want to be bound by my vocal cords.

I want someone to look at me and truly see me.

I want to bare my soul and be someone to see.

To have someone, anyone see value in my life

To put meaning to all the pain and strife.

But id be lying if I said I don't relish the pain a bit.

Better to languish inside myself and in my pain sit.

Than to create my masterpiece and find my art is lacking.

So lets continue failing on purpose than to fall short attacking.

But i find myself digressing one line at a time.

My rambling takes away from my art, and that's a crime.

So I'll end this sooner rather than drawing it out.

And hope that someone with hear my shout.

And out of the darkness someone will see.








  • Augustus

    One way out of the struggle is to not try or sabotage your work and that is painful, but also comfortable. What if I create something and no one likes it? This is i believe a classic struggle and you describe it well.

    • myinnervoice

      Thank you, your advice is true but im also glad you understand what i was trying to say. I have a very sparatic mindset so it has made expressing myself a genuine struggle so i appreciate it alot when someone understand what im saying. I guess thats the wisdom gained over time. Something my huborus would have me believe i should already have. Im glad I decided to come here. Its been extremly cathartic considering ive only been on here for a couple hours. It feels good to say what im thinking and not what comes out when I speak.

    • Daniel

      I really enjoyed this and look forward to reading more.

    • XxRaavenSairasxX

      I really like how this flows, and the touch of rhyming words, as well.

    • MisKylie

      All we ever want is to truly be seen for who we feel we are. And to be able to portray it in a way that someone else can understand is always the struggle. Or you can just do what I do and not care what other people think lol. Beautiful write

      • myinnervoice

        Thank you. I dont think I truly need validation. I think i just want the chance to have some one see me, for better or worse lol. I appreciate your comment more than you know. 🙂

      • Quemis

        I find that it is one of the hardest things in life,

        Keeping the "you" you identify as, the same "you" that is presented to the world.

        This is why we make art, this is why we sing, dance and write. To try to put forward this thing that we cant always live as, or cant even fully explain in conversation.

        I get it. Its one of the most common feelings I have. Great piece, so honest.

        • myinnervoice

          thank you, that means alot.

        • WriteBeLight

          It is kind of like fear-based procrastination. Some people do so because they are just plain lazy. I get from your poem, that the person is not lazy, but fearful of putting who they truly are out there for all to see, even though that is what they really want. I could hear the inner voice yelling out loud. Like the poem.

          • myinnervoice

            thank you, that means alot. I'm finding poetry to be exponentially more cathartic(misspelled i think) than i ever thought possible. And the degree of thoughtfulness and general insite of the people on this site, yourself included, to be amazing. Thank you again.

            • WriteBeLight

              Oh, so sweet. Thanks! You are very welcome.

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