Suicide's Back Alley

Why in this darkness do I have solace? For many years, I've struggled with the ghosts. Their haunting gaze and monstrous voices forever etched in my memories. The memories of those crimson red eyes and a broken alabaster box.... for why must I continue? As if those many pagan gods have vanished and left me with that great white demon of Nazareth.  Why must that albino monster also haunt my thoughts, my visions of the nothingness that inhibits my decrepit mind? Must I go mad with anger and regret, if not for the ghosts, if not for that white devil, might it be for myself? So many of questions similar to this one perforate my convulsive mind. Why won't these ghosts just fade? Why won't that pale skinned being just vanish? Why must I live? Must it be for dreams not yet realized? Might it be for my own prolonged torment? I don't know...

Where are those pagan gods? Those gods who haunted my dreams and desires. The gods who revealed themselves to me through false hope and deceiving lies! The pale demon has taken their place, destroying any essence of their existence and memory. For he, that white skinned bastard is my god! The god who forgave me for my sins....if not he be that pale demon of filth, might I be that damned creature? The great white demon who cannot escape a desire for that broken alabaster box? But of whom also has a desire for a beacon of hope.....why? I am the damned! For it is me, I am that broken pale bastard that can't accept love and instead feasts upon the ghosts of bitter memories!

I desire those ghosts. Come, all you damned spirits and kneel at my crown of sins. For it is I who've damned you! You disgusting and rotten abominations of hell who cower before my very voice. It will be I that will fuck, molest, kill, and devour your rotten soulless spirits of fungus. I am god here! Not you now voiceless entities of my most bitter memories. It is I who am the great I am!