The Inevitable Now

I wish I could light this candle but the lighter is broken. I have a stuffed lion from when I was little. It still smells like vanilla. I'm sitting in this huge apartment that really isn't that big but feels like a castle compared to my little being. I'm really not that hungry but I know I really need to eat. I have packages of noodles and cookie mix that are usually for two people, so I'll just let them be. Is it weird that I'm hugging my lion right now. It just smells good. There is water on the ceiling from water damage and the paper on the walls is tearing  even though it never moves. In a weird way I feel like the paper. Growing up isn't as fun as I thought it would be when I was in high school. I always understood that there would be bills to pay and people to deal with. I never realized it would be this lonely. I think that the future will be brighter but for now I'm just in a rut.  I know it's important to stay positive and always know that there is a future, but for now I want to think of what's happening now as I am in now. Is that okay?