Self Taught Lessons

My parents are out of town and my grandmother will take their place for the next few days. 

Nobody will be there to tell me to eat and this is something my grandmother and I have in common. 

She will feed my sickness like I'll feed my baby sister her food, but what kind of role model am I?

I have taught my siblings to vomit after they eat every time they have witnessed me doing it

and I have taught my brother that the self mutilation on my body is simply an accident

But it's not. He tells me sometimes he cries for no reason. This is something him and I have in common. 

The holes I have made in our home we all share will drag me in and when I snap out of it my 

brother is crying begging me not to kill myself, what have I taught my 9 year old brother?

He associates crying with death and eating with puking, lately I've noticed pinch marks all over his skin. 

The path I'm walking is something I do not want for him, so now I have to turn it around.

I have to hold it together for him so that one day he doesn't let his demons win.