My words prove me a flagellant, they sting like many tails.
Swollen scars are all that's left, as conversation fails.
No ulterior motive carried, naught inside save love,
yet drown in self analysis, fits just like a glove.
My mouth is always bleeding, as syllables sharp and stone,
are poor substitutes for teething, but perfect for a groan.
Self castration every night, behold all my esteem:
Why don't those I find fascinating see the same in me?
What string of words could possibly paint the picture whole?
What set of movements can I make to tessellate my soul?
In a prison of understanding, friendship, love and light,
all that escapes is opposite, tongue coated in blight.
Everything is soaked in lead, can't do it anymore.
Can't let myself have any fun, translation such a chore.
Every laugh has it's price to pay: my engagement impound.
I think I'm meant to hide inside, tip-toe familiar ground.
Tired bones and teeth are always chattering away.
I'm at such a disconnect, nothing left to say.
Lips are always flapping. Blood and sweat and tears.
Nothing here to show for it, swallowed by my fears.
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Author:
Quemis (
Offline) - Published: February 16th, 2017 03:22
- Comment from author about the poem: Kill me.
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 42
Offline)
Comments4
Great work, and great insight, bringing up the subjects of self deprecating, self doubting, and expressing low self esteem, and so on. I can relate to the lines and I am sure many others can as well.
Thank you, yea sorry for all the darkness here.
Above it all, it's about an inability to communicate my authenticity and love for people, more often saying the wrong thing. Every time. Confined by my excitement.
I have done that myself. I stand now and stop myself, only because, in the past, I would beat myself up, inside, over and over for what I said. I learned that it is because I am a sensitive person who is sensitive to other's feelings. I suspect you are the same. I can tell you are an authentic person and you do love people, qualities that make you a special human being. You express yourself so well in your writing, a gift, talent and style all of your own. I think that is pretty great! And, I know others here on this site think so too 🙂
2 more comments
One must love one's self before they can love another. Feelings of self doubt, or low self esteem are the barrier to inter-personal relationships. We are all people, no two the same, none above or below the other. You are who you are, accept it, relish in it, and stop worrying what others will think.
You write superbly. You create interesting images. Your words flow. Who else would have said, "tessellate my soul" ? - Phil A.
Thank you for the compliments.
I would have to disagree with you that some people are not better than others. Abusive monsters, rapists, murderers, are all surely not on equal footing with everyone else.
Also, if I accepted who I was, and "relished in it" I would be a much worse person. I never would have had these massive transformations that turned me into who I am today. The reason I am bringing this to you now in response, is because, everyone always gives me this answer. Its a false answer.
"stop caring what other people think."
I wouldn't be a person I could respect if I didn't care. Caring is what makes the few relationships I do have work. Caring makes me a better person to myself and others.
It is just not a viable answer to my problem. I don't see how anyone could pretend it is, yet it is the answer I always get. "accept yourself" "love yourself."
I couldn't imagine worse advice.
Dont take it the wrong way though, I am really grateful for the advice. It is just an emotionally charged subject for me.
1 more comment
A tortured soul laments. It pains me that you are hurting so. Sending you positive thoughts. The poem was beautifully written.
Thanks Augustus. Understanding as usual.
<3 <3
In one of your reply notes you said that you do care. Caring about people is where it all begins. Eventually the rest will fall into place over time. You do have a talent for writing.
Thank you.
Very much. <3
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