Fearful hope

I wanna say the words ive been contemplating. Just trying to do this without seeming like im shading.

Social anxiety, causing fear to ripple through me. I cannot show you the real me.

The me before the catastrophic fallout. Feeling like an outsider in my own life.

People who have never been able to relate. Always sayin i cant do shit right

Feelings so strong, oh yeah sure like yall aint ever done anything wrong.

I remember that night i got taking for a long drive. Cussing, Screaming, and threatening harm to me?

Your how old, man i am only 14. I screamed at you back in tears, no more, no more.

Have you ever been afraid of whats in the dark? I never had all my parts.

Yeah, I get it i messed up. Time for me to straighten up.

Yep, i used to smoke weed. That dont make me weak.

I quit that shit on my own. now im 5 months strong.

I never asked for help. Dont wanna live my life upon the shelf. As if i dont exist.

Can i point out that you aint ever lost a damn parent. You werent 13 playing house.

I thought that should be apparent. I never got to have a childhood.

I tried so hard just to be good. have you ever seen my pain?

Trouble, trouble. Am i insane?

Never got to have my heart. Imma bout to fall apart.

I remember my 1st fight. You ignored me all night.

I said all I did was defend myself. You still gave me hell.

I will never be ashamed of who I am. I thought your supposed to defend your daughter?

And i still call you my damn father? this is why my name is Fearful Hope...