Fear

I'm terrified of growing up
Someday, I'm gong to be old and withered
and wondering where all the good days went. 

Time is going to
toss me into the washing machine of life
and spit me out eventually. 
Time is going to claw at my eyes
and wrinkle my skin and dull my mind
and someday, 
it's going to steal me away. 
Because I'm mortal, 
and that terrifies me. 
I don't think I've ever been 
this terrified ever before. 

The blankness that is my memory
of my days before I was four years old, 
it terrifies me. 
Someday, my memory of this night
will blend into other nights
and it will grow pale and fade away. 
All my memories eventually will, 
and I"m terrified of that. 

I don't want to die
and I don't want to forget
and I don't want to grow up. 
It's already March
and soon it'll be May
and then June, 
and then it'll be summer break. 
And then all of a sudden
I'll be a sophomore
and then a junior 
and then I'll be a senior
and POOF! I'll be in college
and then I'll go to vet school
and work as a vet and I'll grow old
and maybe I'll have kids, 
but someday I'll be in a nursing home, 
and that's if I don't die young. 

I could accidentally take an extra ADHD pill
and die of a heart attack.
I could be walking down the street
and get hit by a car.
I could trip on the stairs in the dark
and break my neck.
I'm mortal, and that scares me so much.
I don't want to die.

I want to watch my best friend
graduate from 8th grade.
I want to congratulate her
being on Honors Roll in high school.
I want to fall in love- no,
I want to be in love. 
I want to change the world.
I want to kiss someone
and I want to have sex
and I want to try marijuana 
and get good grades and party, 
and I want to bake cookies 
and walk dogs 
and I want to watch a sunrise from atop a mountain
and I want to see a coral reef
and travel to Rome and Greece
and I want to learn Latin
and I want to live. 

And I'm terrified
that I could die
never having done 
a single one.