A Trip To The Launderette

Edith had to take her washing
To the local Launderette
Because every time she hangs clothes on the line
It starts to rain and everything gets wet

The machines are dated and very noisy
So everyone has to talk louder
Edith hears Mrs Smart who lives in her street
Shouting that she needs to buy more washing powder

Sometimes when there are no available machines
It can be quite annoying
You have to sit there for ages
And the pungent smell of conditioner is cloying

Mrs Smart drops her washing
And everyone sitting there can see
That the label in her Berlei bra
Boldly says forty four double d

Elderly Mr Croft has washed his shirts
After too many washes they look quite rough
And everybody notices the fraying
On the collars and the cuffs

Edith sits next to Mrs Bloggs
Who is wearing a heavy frown
She’s been told they can’t get a stubborn stain
Out of a satin christening gown

The stain consisted of small black spots
For which Mrs Bloggs had no explanation
The assistant said that keeping it in polythene
It could have been caused by condensation

Mr Croft said “Ladies,
Should I re-enact the Levi's Ad”?
Edith said “keep your trousers on
You’re old enough to be his dad.

We don’t want to see your long-johns
Or your knobbly knees.
So do us all a favour
And keep your clothes on, please”

Mr Croft carefully folded his shirts
As neatly as he could
The zip on his laundry bag was broken
So he did the best he could

Mr Carson is the local doctor
He’s very popular in the town
He always wears a three piece suit
Usually navy blue or brown

He has never owned a washing machine
And usually hand-washes in the sink
He learned his lesson when a stray red sock
Dyed all his white shirts pink

His hour and a half at the Launderette
He does on his day off
Usually he is approached
By a patient with an ache or a cough

He tells them it’s his day of rest
But this falls on deaf ears
And he usually ends up surrounded
By several old dears

Mrs Telford sits next to her husband
And you should have seen her face
When he told the doctor in a loud voice
He had an itch in an intimate place

He then went on to give the doctor
A very lurid description
While his wife sat cringing
The doctor wrote out a prescription

When Edith’s whole weeks washing
Was on its final spin
Edith, Dr Carson and Mr Croft
Were the only ones left in

The lady at the counter informs them
That the Launderette closes at four
So Edith empties her machine
And she prepares to go

She says that having to go to the Launderette
Can be such a pain
She's barely got the words out
When it suddenly starts to rain

Mr Croft boldly asks Dr Carson for a lift
And Edith thinks he’s got a cheek
The doctor says “the way the weather is
I’ll probably see you back here next week"