Silent Nights

Why I'm An Atheist (An Open Letter To God)

Dear God,

It's me again. I know we haven't talked in almost a decade, but I think it's high time I tell you what's been on my mind.

Do you remember when I was young? A rosy-cheeked catholic girl walking down the aisle carrying a bouquet of prayers for you.

I did everything you were supposed to do. Dip your fingers in the water at the door and kneel before you sit.

Up, down, left, right.

Bible study was my favorite part about church, though.

Eating bread and reciting the "Our Father" until we had memorized it by heart.

I was taught that you loved everyone and everything because you created it.

(Except Muslims, people in the LGBT+ community, and anyone who went against you or your teachings.)

But after my first communion, we stopped going to church. Sports and school were suddenly more important than worshiping you. And even though I would say your name in the pledge, I never felt your presence like I thought I had before.

You.

Left.

Me.

It was when I turned twelve, five years after you left, that I came to the conclusion that you were never coming back. I convinced myself that maybe you had more important things to deal with like ending war or solving world hunger or doing anything but taking care of your own child.

Those years of uncertainty left me hollow with only one question: Where were you?

Where were you when I needed you? What about when Dad almost died three times before I turned thirteen? I wasn't even a teenager yet and you tried to take him from me!

Where were you when a pill bottle of mental issues spilled out of my wrists and onto the floor? God I needed you and you failed me.

I was thirteen when I told myself I didn't want to live anymore. I thought that maybe if I died then I could see you at the Pearly Gates apologizing to everyone you fucked over.

But no, that's not what happened. I'm alive and well, fighting my own battles without you. It took me nine years to finally love myself, nine years to finally support myself, and nine years to finally realize that I didn't need you to survive.

Despite all of that, though, I'd like to thank you for making me stronger.

Sincerely,

Me

 

Comments6

  • OUTBACK

    EXCELENT POST ! HELL YEA ! DEPENDENCY IS THE DISEASE - AUTHORITY - THE SYMPTOM ! THE ACCOUNTABILITY OF ALL AUTHORITY - ABSOLUTELY ! GOD - THE MYTHOLOGY OF SALVATION BY WAY OF KISSING ASS ! I GREW UP & DID MY TIME FOR 9 MISERABLE VIOLENT WRETCHED YRARS IN PAROCHIAL SCHOOL WITH TH DOMINICAN SISTERS WHO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF EVERY ONE EVERY SINGLE DAY ! RELIGION IS DEATH ! one must stand up to the mythological shit of authority & god & get over all of that pathetic dependent shit ! GOD = THE BULLY OF EGO* - KICK IT'S ASS TO HELL ! NO ONE BUT YOU OWNES YOUR LIFE ! GOD CAN DIE AS ALL THE OTHER USELESS POLITICAL CONTROL MYTHOLOGIES OF AN ABSOLUTE OBEDIENCE UNTO AUTHORITY ! NO NEED FOR THESE MYTHOLOGICAL INSANITIES TO PRESIDE OVER ONES LIFE ! EVER ! BEEN THERE - DONE THAT ! NO MO ! INSTEAD OF YOU FEARING GOD - GOD SHOULD FEAR YOU ! ALWAYS !

    • orchidee

      I agree with you about 'religion' Out. That can be neither here nor there sometimes. Or it can in some cases be sets of rules and regulations. I know - Christianity is one religion, so I can't get away from that. Yet I go on believing!

      • OUTBACK

        THE BELIEF* IN AUTHORITY*{ ANY AUTHORITY OTHER THAN ONES OWN }* IS THE [ CHALLENGE ]* {LIFE}* WANTS TO SEE JUST HOW MUCH SHIT* ONE WILL PUT UP WITH : UNTIL ONE SMPLY CALLS ITS BLUFF - {CHECKMATE}* & ELIMINATES THE BELIEF* THAT ONE CONTINUES ON WITH -OUT OF FEAR ! IN THE FACE OF CERTIN DEATH : WTF* GIVE A SHIT ABOUT SOME [ POLITICAL OVER LORD ] MORAINICS* ! YOU ARE AS FREE AS YOU WANT TO BE ! IT ALL DEPENDS UPON WHAT IT IS YOU SO REALIZE & ACT UPON ! NEVER ASKING PERMISSION OF ANY AUTHORITY WHATSOEVER : AT ALL ! THE END OF DEPENDENCE UPON AUTHORITY IS THE END OF AUTHORITY ! ALL AUTHORITY ! IF YOU REFUSE THE SELF RESPONSIBILITY TO CREATE ONES OWN REALITY* : IT WILL BE DONE SO : BY DEFAULT ! [POLITICS : GOD : & ALL THE OTHER MYTHOLOGICAL PARASITICAL BS] !

      • orchidee

        This should be for 18+ I think. Have you ticked the box for that? Not because of the subject, but some of the wording.

      • orchidee

        It seems you do still believe, in your closing lines. Otherwise you may have said 'I thank me for making myself stronger'. Also, wouldn't you have addressed your poem-letter 'To some non-existent being' if you truly DIDN'T believe?

      • James Michael

        Except Muslims? That is why I renounce religion. Too much violence involved.

      • GON

        Small-minded I think. Religion is a very powerful literary tool and it's one of the most impressive aspects of our culture.

      • Diamond

        Amazing and honest. Each experiences life differently and faith too is one such aspect.



      To be able to comment and rate this poem, you must be registered. Register here or if you are already registered, login here.