i don't have a girlfriend

my girlfriend is a bandit,
she stole all of my devotion.
she knows that i can't stand it,
she knows i never show emotion.
my heart is stranded
at the epicentre of the ocean,
not exactly how i planned it -
that might just be the motion.

oscillating between, do i hate her?
do i love her?
do i take the risk, do i date her,
or just keep searching for another?
because whenever i frustrate her
she becomes the perfect lover.
my bed. her prison. she lets me handcuff and inmate her,
her body is a temple that i explore and discover.
shaq a zulu king, she loves it whenever i dictate her,
consistently switching contortionist positions, without any tedious time to recover.

wondering with words,
hoping to find an answer,
my vision is slightly blurred,
steps are now mindful like a dancer.
tongue-tied, speech slurred,
mind racing even faster,
i reach a door,
revolving. recurring -
i've been here before.
i peek at the other side
and see simplicity in safety's shore
but as i stride towards it,
she cries an angelic encore.
compelled by the spell,
well-being completely ignored,
i'm lured back home
by the devil i adore,
i hate that my soul
to her it is sworn,
i've been branded triple six
but my skin was never torn.
the guilt fills my knees with lead
and now i'm anchored to the floor.
my hands clasp together
praying to the concept of a lord,
repeating "forgive me again"
against my own accord,
and the moment the repetition
starts sounding like a chord,
i stand up at attention
then sprint back home for more.