The edge of my thoughts

The edge of a cliff is a nice place to be

I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as every inch of me begs me to jump

I am standing on that cliff

Right on the edge.

Any second now my foot could just slip.

It feels nice to know that I have control over something for once

I control whether I jump or not

me. I control it. 

Or does it control me?

Do these thoughts to take that leap control me or do I control them?

Do I even have control to stop myself from putting on foot in front of the other?

Do I jump?

Can I jump?

The wind blows harder as if to answer my question, as if even the wind doesn't want me

the fucking wind.

My brain feels scattered, like it has split into a thousand leaves all blowing about in the breeze and I can't catch a single leaf 

I close my eyes and I join the leaves