The Poetry of Pain - In Pain, Insane

In pain, insane, to much serotonin screwed with my brain.
In pain, insane, end result my life went down the drain.
The love of my life, my wife, pushed away, outa sight.
Didn't care, couldn't see, what these meds were doing to me.

In pain, insane, a clever professor took hold of the reigns.
Horrified at my plight, he at last took sight of my constant fight.
Serotonin meds, that were messing with my mind.
Were more than double the levels, anyone should ever be prescribed.

He couldn't understand how I'd survived so long.
Without even more things in my life going wrong.
Work was great, everything there was fine.
Until I had an operation at the base of my spine.

Then my pain of 17 years started to change.
And slowly but surely trying to work went down the drain.
Brain fog kicked in whenever I tried,
To contemplate a complex solution of the IT kind.

With my serotonin slashed to a more realistic level,
The realities of my life have now started to settle.
Now there is more emotional pain I have to endure.
As I try to accept things I did while my mind was 'unpure'.

Reliance on meds is a depressing thing,
I rattle when I walk, just as well I can't sing.
I know I need them to get through the day,
But wish I had a magic wand to make it go away.

In pain, not so insane, I now feel I have gained control of my brain.
In pain, not so insane, the fog is still there, but not the emotional drain.
I'm back, I care, I regret what I've done.
But it's in the past and I need now to move on.

I'm starting again, trying to rebuild my life.
Hoping again to find reciprocated love, and happiness in my life.
I'm moving back closer to family and friends.
Hoping this is where my story starts writing again.

Darren Beames - 23rd April 2017