How I Feel

Girl I can't lie my heart is going at a thousand
Looking into your eyes has me weak in the knees
I've never confessed before and here you are right in front of me
See I couldn't tell you what I kept inside
I can never express myself
I can always suppress these feelings
But I think it's time I let you know
Ever since the day we met I couldn't imagine I'd be in the position I am today
Drinking, depressed and dejected
Writing, woeful and weaken
February 5th is forever embedded in my mind
Your smile, your laugh is forever etched in time
Who knew I'd get these rush of emotions every time I see you
I promise this time I'm not drunk, I'm just letting you know how I feel
I know we don't see eye to eye, but you're the only one I have heart eyes for
Can we go back to February 5th, the first time we met
Every time I saw you my shadow of clouds would dissipate for an instance
These feelings have grown intense
I just wanna go back to that semester and tell you everything I couldn't
Maybe if I did, I wouldn't be this way
Maybe I wouldn't be an alcoholic
Maybe my depression wouldn't be triggered every two days
Maybe you could have rescued me
Just know I have so many regrets, but my biggest one is...you
Regretting not telling you what I've been writing in every poem that talks about you
There has to be something in this crush
The longest one I've ever had
I'm looking back like you're the one that got away

I know we ain't even friends, but when me and my smile don't last I'm willing to text you to feel better
I know you don't ever think of us, but imagine you and I together
I feel like you would complete me
You're the peanut butter to my jelly
The bench to my bench press
The conditioner to my hair
The pen to my notebook
I hope you read this, so you know how I feel about you
I'm too much of a little bitch to tell you anything, but always wished you figured it out
And I'm fixated here writing poems at 4 in the morning
And all these poems are to prove that even I have feelings
Even I can care about someone
Even I can be sentimental
Even I need to be complemental
Remember when we first met in English class?
Honestly that day was the best
But it was also the worse
You see, since that day I became a mess
It was the beginning of the new me
The beginning of my depression
The beginning of my alcoholism
The beginning of my mental deterioration
Due to not being able to handle these feelings, I started drinking to numb my mind
Now I'm laying in bed writing and thinking of you
So if my mind can no longer control these thoughts will you be my antidote?