salexandra15

My Strength to Survive

She ran into my room, her heart beating so fast.

“What’s wrong,” I said, looking at my little sister’s innocent blue eyes.

“I have PTSD” she said

 

I ruined her childhood.

I ruined her image of happiness.

She grew up watching me fall down, and make mistakes.

And now, she lives in a constant state of fear, panic, stress, worry.

 

She knows I am not well, she tries to fix me, but I am too broken.

I try to be the big sister she needs,

But I have failed.

This innocent child has seen the worlds darkest secrets within me.

 

She has PSTD because of me.

 

She has anxiety because of me.

 

She has depression because of me.

 

Although she is four years younger, she takes care of me.

She helps me grow and learn.

She is the big sister.

 

She runs into my room five times a day

Because she feels obligated to check up on me.

She can’t rest until she knows I’m okay, that I’m breathing.

 

That day changed her life forever.

A little girl walking into her big sister’s room

Finding her in a pool of her own blood, gashes up and down her arms.

She did not understand; she was too young.

 

She held me in her arms,

And put her little hands around my wrists.

“I will take care of you, I love you.”

 

Years have passed since my attempt.

I am a woman now

She is a woman now.

My wounds have healed, my confidence has risen,

And my pain softened.

 

But she still has PTSD

The image is in her brain forever.

She had to grow up too young.

And for that, I am sorry, little sister.

 

You never judged me,

Your arms were always open, ready for me to fall into.

You, little sister, gave me the strength to survive.

Comments2

  • swingline

    Heartbreaking to read but I think she is a survivor too .

  • LML

    This is so sad and so beautiful 🐾 I really feel your love for your sister and regret for your past mistakes. We can never take away the past but our love for each other can help heal old broken wombs💗

    • salexandra15

      thank you so much, i truly appreciate your kind words.

      • LML

        Keep ur head up😁



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