Dear Love,
You planted the world in my palm
But as it's in your nature
You then ripped it away
Still that sense of invincible elation
Is etched upon my heart
So these ill fated endings
Are worth it
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Author:
ElenaGrace (
Offline) - Published: May 3rd, 2017 21:31
- Comment from author about the poem: I've been told the third and fourth lines are clunky and don't fit the eloquence of the poem but I'm not sure how to modify it. Any suggestions are welcome:)
- Category: Love
- Views: 14
Offline)
Comments2
I would replace the word "Love" in the opening line with the word "Lust." Your stanzas very brilliantly describe a 'counterfeit' love, an 'imposter' to love -which can be accurately expressed to always wound (i.e. ill fated endings): Lust
I actually hadn't thought about it that way but you're right. Thanks for the tips 8)
You're welcome; I feared I might have been too critical. However, the way I perceived your poem inspired, in part, my latest work: Alongside a Lover.
i'd say in line 3 take out the words it's and in and replace them with is
"But as is your nature"
but that's just me
Aw I already turned it in but that's a really good idea thank you:)
lol it was a good write either way
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