The Sad Reality

It doesn't make sense, I've never had feelings, you're making my cold heart palpitate
Who would have thought you'd be the one
I don't know who you are, but you have miraculous powers
Sagacious girl and me a straight F student
I stay wondering if I'll ever believe in love
To tell you the truth I don't think I ever will
They say what I feel for you is love, but I don't fall in love, I fall in like
With that beauty and that body, you know niggas want a piece of that ass
You never have to put in work cuz niggas line up just for you
And you let it get to your head, but when you're looking for real not one of them will be in sight
Me on the other hand will always be there, but I won't look into your eyes
It's a love and hate thing when it comes to you
Some days I can't stop thinking of you
Some days I don't remember who you are
But one thing is for certain, you got a middle finger and I'm wrapped around it
You're wanting more than a one night stand
And If I
If I had the opportunity to show you
Show you how it feels to be with someone who wants to get to know the real you
Someone who wants to make you forget about your pain
Someone who says "I'm here for you"
But you're too busy giving these niggas head
I'm willing to look past it because all I need is your mind
But you will never choose me over a John Jay penis
So every day is the same
Sit in the corner of the game room
The next guy saying "it's my turn now"
Every night you're wondering why can't I find a guy that loves me
Nothing to gain in a room full of testosterone
Fake love, fake friends, fake everything
And that's around the time you met me
Look at this nigga, he's kinda cute, but he's another fuckboy, so Ima give him my number and never text him
Little did you know, you left my heart lights on before walking out

I know you're feeling like no one can ever understand you
You had a boyfriend, your boyfriend treated you like shit
You gave him everything and even thought he was the one
He's the reason why you keep looking for real love
But you will never find it in the places you've been searching
You think about your ex every time you inject
We both know I don't know your story, so I don't infer
I know you have feelings you hide under the bed and inter
I know you don't care what people think
Your mom was addicted to the needle, you think it runs in your blood
Growing up she's the one you looked up to
Your dad was never around, so you bonded over the fact
Any nigga chasing you was given the pussy
That juicy pussy that's plushy
I'm one to never look back, set my feet on the table, take a shot and kickback
But everything I see in you is everything I feel the need of
I feel the need to carry your pain
I feel the need to be there for you
I feel the need knowing if there could have ever been us
I feel the need to write about you, I'm using the notebook as support
Like why the fuck did I write this about a John Jay girl
The one girl I could never attain, I need to refrain
I just keep hurting myself, I never learn my lesson
I guess I have the need to feel something, feel something with you
Numb the feeling as I write, but you turn me on
You left the heart lights on before walking out

You see, I'm not used to feeling this shit
I've never felt for anyone before and I don't need to feel anything
Seems like I got this vacancy in my chest and I feel the need to occupy it with you
I'm revealing a feeling that I've been concealing, I just need some healing
And if you really read it, this is more than poetry
I'm hoping you read it, I open my chest and let you in
I'm battling alcoholism and depression
To you I'm just another nigga
You relegate me to the side and focus on him, him and him over there
But I assure you I'm nothing like him, him or him over there
And I know if you could feel something, you'd feel my anguish
I've been writing this for over 8 days now, what the fuck am I writing?
This whole poem is a facade
Paint a picture of a John Jay lass like a thot
Like she sucks too many dicks, won't let me hit
But you never hear me talk about my pain, that's something I never do
We're at the same school, same room looking for a connection
Focused on you when I should have lifted heavier weights
The gym is my favorite form of therapy
I focus on the gym to forget all that I've felt
But not even the gym can turn off the lights you left on