"Kylie." A poem dedicated to myself.

Her name is Kylie, she has a smile on her face. Even when she has a million reasons to cry, getting abused at home and bullied at school. Having to wear this goddamn fucking mask, to hide her true feelings from the world. Constantly thinking how stupid, ugly, fat, etc she is. But, she's the complete opposite. She's anorexic, and bullimic from little prissy bitches telling her she needs to loose weight. Constantly starving herself and then binging, she was out of control. She gets told: "go kill yourself." "Emo cunt." "Go slit your wrists." "Fat ass." 

After multiple suicide attempts, she still doesn't get where she went wrong with them. She's up all night contemplating suicide, cutting her thighs and hips, having constant racing thoughts. Oh god her mind won't shut off, her anxiety attacks are getting to her, she's clawing at herself. Trying to cope with herself. She's needing some saving, someone save her.

Trying to find love, constantly thinking she's found the one. She gets cheated on or left for someone better that doesn't have mental problems. The last one made her almost die because of how deep she cut, God someone save her. She thinks to herself, " please just let me die. It's all I fucking want." But she doesnt get her wishes.

She's depending on her "Emo bands." To save her, people bash on them but they help her. They help her cope, she blasts the music until she can't feel a fucking thing at all. She wants to just be numb, no feelings. She wants to be dead, but how would her parents and siblings feel when she's in a coffin? 

Someone comes along and vibes with her, treats her right. Makes her feel like she's worthy of living this life.  That someone tells her, her self worth and makes her have self love once again. She doesnt have to wear this mask. She's still in pain but, she's some what happy now. All from this one person who saved her.  He is her light. And she loves him so much. 

-Kylie Musselman