Again

it's happening again, 

i get that feeling i can't shake off, the feeling where my heart leaps out of my chest and my bottom lip trembles and my entire body shakes. 

the fear rises in my chest, the fear of never seeing you again, the fear that one day you'll be gone because of someone else mistakes, i am not allowed to see you as often as i like

i cannot kiss you or hug you or love you as much as i want to, because of her

and no i am not speaking of another girl who has your heart, i am speaking of a women who loves to crush mine

my overprotective, self centered, annoying mother

yes you read right, mother.

she says that i am allowed to hang out with him, or my friends in general, whenever yet if i ask she turns her face up in disapproval and shakes her head "no money" she says, which i know is a lie because why would i need money for a family barbecue?

sh doesn't like him and we both know it, but he continues to ask me to go places

"let's hang out on sunday, you can wear some shorts and my hoodie, we can be bums and get taco bell. just me and you"

he know i wont be able to, but he still ask

and when i say i can't he simply reschedules for another time.

that's why i think he likes the other girl better, the one who has a job but always seems available no matter what

the one he does things he promised to do with me with, he took hr ice skating, he took her to taco bell, he treats her like a princess

and sh isn't even his.

i am tired of hr constant bullshit, my mother is done controlling my life

she is done holding me back

sh can let go now, i can do just fine

on my own.