Addiction

You will never understand me I just want to push you away, I just want you to leave.

I just want you to leave and never come back, but it's never that easy just to drop you.

You are making me lose everything I love and the people I love. 

You aren't making my life easier you are making it harder.

You are there when I need but you are no good to me.

You know how to make my day and make feel better but maybe one day it will cost my life to have you around.

You make people hate me when I don't want them to. 

You have becoming so strong that I have troubles to know  what's real and what's not.

When you hit my system I feel as if nothing exist but some days I catch a charge with you.

I get a record and I know I can do so much more better than you.

But you aren't that easy to drop. 

Most days I don't even want you in my system but I've been using you as my get away process my body needs you.

You can't talk back but you can show the consequences. 

Most days when I have you in my hand I don't want you, I don't want you in my system but if I don't I get angry or depressed.

You are ripping apart my family and my wife is at her ends meat with you.

She hates you so much that she can just leave and not think twice about it.

My kids look at me and sometimes I feel they don't know me with you in my system.

I made stupid decisions with you that it costed me a bond with my  new born son.

I can't have you in my life anymore but its not that easy to drop you like it is to drop candy and tell myself I will never eat you again.

My body strives for you and I hate that.

For awhile there you were my partner in crime you were my wife.

But times has changed and I need to let go of you because if I don't it will cost me my second family.

But you aren't that easy to drop.

You make me not remember what I did the night before and I hate it cause one day I am going to over abuse you and do something I don't remember and could cost me my freedom forever.

My support system is almost gone, I have used and abused the ones around me.

At the end of my day I feel alone and I feel guilty after you left my system.

I call and I plea with people that I have hurt.

Sometimes it works sometimes and don't. When it don't I just go back at it again with you in my system.

And the next day I feel the same way.

When is it going to end I ask myself everyday.

When am I going to be able to drop you.

You are an addiction that I don't want around.

You are an addiction that I really hate.

You aren't a good addiction.

Addiction you have ruined me and I want you to leave because if you don't I am going to lose everything I have.

I will have nothing no one but you and I don't want you. 

Why were you even introduced to me?