My true happiness in my life

There was one point of my life where I felt unwanted there was one point in my life where I thought no one thought I even existed

To be someone I craved and to just to be noticed I craved

To scream to let you all know I am a human to

But all that didn't matter cause no one seemed to care

I felt really unloved

Felt as if I didn't matter to anyone not even to my own family

Until I met you 

When I met you I began to feel noticed I began to feel wanted

I began to feel as if I was someone

Began to feel loved

When you walked in I thought this will only last a short period of time 

So I did my usual things 

But after you asked me will you marry me in front of a red light

I knew you noticed I knew you cared I knew that you knew I was a someone

The day I said I do and began this journey with you

I couldn't have been the luckiest girl alive

Even with a child on board you still asked me 

You began to raise her as your own when she was 5 months old

You brought me to your fathers house before our relationship got serious 

and from my understanding you never brought a girl to your father's house

Not even your girlfriends you had before me

But me and my child you brought to your father's house

I felt special like you knew I would stick with you after that

You accepted me when I had nothing

When I didn't have job 

when I didn't have my own place

when I didn't have a car

You seen the women that I wanted to be and you helped make that happen

You encouraged me to do better with my life

Then things started going down hill

Where I fell back where I wasn't wanted and I wasn't loved

I fell so inlove with you that I didn't want to leave

So I stuck it out and it gradually got better

To where I felt loved and wanted again

You started to worry about me again 

You started to ring my phone when  I didn't even pick up the first time

You had me sit an hour at a rest stop asking me to come back

And you cried when I said no you have to figure out what you want 

When you cried I wanted to go back but I knew if he really wants me back he will call everyday to see how I was and how the pregnancy of our son was going

And you did.

So in return I went back to you

We still had bumps and we had our fights 

We spent months apart 

We spent a month together before you had to go away

Our life was just started to bloom when we had to spend more time apart

And now I am here with you our son has been born and our daughter loves to see her daddy everyday

Our son has made this big ol bond that I didn't think he would because we spent so many months apart when he was born

But he did and I couldn't be anymore happier

Almost a year of not seeing you and only hearing from you once a week I began to lose hope and began to wonder am I ever going to see you again

December finally came and I got to hear more and more of your voice of everyday and I couldn't be anymore relieved.

Then March came and we had traveled to Nevada to come stay.

When I first seen you at that air port in Reno my heart dropped no other than I had to pee but my heart dropped because I thought I would never see you again.

At first I thought it was a dream getting up at four am to catch a plane 

but when you hugged me and kissed me i knew it wasn't 

Our daughter barely spoke when you were away because she wanted one thing and that was you her daddy

Our son was still curious on who you were but he eventually learned this is my daddy 

I love you more each day 

When you come in from work all I want to do is hold you and never let go

I want to make sure this isn't a dream and I am not laying in acoma in a hospital somewhere

So at the end of the night when we are getting ready for bed I lay there for a minute with my eyes wide open feeling your arms around me 

and holding your hand 

Listening to that wonderful heart beat that I was dying to hear months and months on end 

I eventually fall asleep hoping you are still there in the morning when you have to go to work

and you are.

Some of my days I have a  panic attack because I feel as if you aren't coming back

My attachment to you has grown and I don't want to ever let go of you.

I love you so Much my dear husband and you can never be replaced

Not even we both kick the bucket

Not even if I kick the bucket before you

Cause it's you I want to grow old with and watch the grand kids play in the yard

Its you I want to see at my death bed to hold my hand and tell me everything is gonna be okay

Its you that I want to hear you can let go if you want and I will still be here waiting for my time to join you at those white gates

its you and our kids that I want to see before I go 

Its you that I want to journey my life with 

It's you that I want hold when I cry when the kids get older and move out on their own

Its you that I want to see pick our kids up from school when I am pulling a double

Its you that I want to see take our daughter to a daddy and daughter dance

Its you that I want to see give a boy that wants to date our daughter a big ol speech about dating

Its you I want to see take our son to his first football game

Its you I want to see to teach him how to play sports

Cause My heart lays with you always.

I love you so much