F'R THEE BEEST TORIN BUT WHO DARETH BE KEELYCAEL?

Come one, come all, gather round all ye lost broken and curious hearts -
So you can all listen to a story that I've never really spoken unto anyone ever -
For I tell this tale of woe because it is high time that I unburden off my chest so hopefully others might better understand me and what it is I long for -

Whelp, to truly understand who it is that I am truly I shall let all who care glimpse into the darkly crystal ball of my life -
Maybe then one of you might have an ounce of rational empathetic compassionate understanding as to why I consider myself to be the flawsome undeterred imperfect invisibly broken graceful mosaic that is before you all -

Thusly I will take Y'all back to the very beginning, to my youth when darkness was all that I knew -
During a time which the light of any sort of hope was a blurry indescribable illusion -
Right up to the four most saddening moments of my life played with seem like a cruel joke but it was not a joke whatsoever -

It was in each of those moments that I stood in a grief-stricken cast of vengeful stone willingly choosing to listen as the ghastly eerily echoing sounds of the 21-gun salute would ring out four separate times -
During which time I mournfully watched as first my beloved wife was laid beneath the hallowed ground of Arlington and then sadly and unfortunately our three children followed in suit -

And all of my unwarranted inexplicable heart-wrenching grief, sorrow, and pain it somehow became a unhealable battle wound that I found myself using it as a means of fuel for my reign of lethal catastrophic vengeance upon the wicked and morally corrupt -

And somewhere along my path of vindictive retribution I crossed so many lines that eventually they became indistinguishable from all the rest -
Nd throughout a decade I found myself committing ungodly, unspeakable, unlawful, horrific orders and that was how the lines became blurred and indistinguishable -
And for my unforgivable sins, it would hollow out my soul, make me numb from the inside out and those less than honorable deeds would subconsciously embed regretful haunting unforgettable memories into my mind that way to come forth in uglier ways later on -

Never did I feel so ashamed, so confused, so regretful, so despicable as I did in the aftermath of what I had done in the namesake of all the ungrateful, the unappreciative, the despiteful, the unworthy civis back home -

For the longest time, I fought this illusion of my former self what was trying to convince me everything was going to be alright and the things will be different someday soon -
But instead, for the longest time, I got stuck in the shadows of the person I wanted to be and who I was supposed to be -

And should I realize I was my father's protege wrapped up in the twisted demented prophecy that he forethought oh so many years ago -

Now, what is left of me?
Nothing I guess except never ending bleak abysmal emptiness and not much more -
Well, let me not exclude all painful haunting regretful memories the echo loudly into the loudest days and the quietest of nights -
Nd there is no pulse any longer pulsating inside this inanimate lackluster corpse -
No there isn't a soul where a soul once was instead there is just an empty void -
Sadly there's a gaping bottomless blackened hole where my heart used to be -
And somewhere inside of me there's a humble ghost of my former self that is longing to be freed from its prison -
But until the "all clear" is screamed and he can be freed there is a warrior who is fighting the utmost hellacious war ever fought -

Nd I the warrior continually battle the unfavorable odds that seemed to always be stacked against me in every way conceivable all with the exception of in my favor -
And despite being against so much unbeatable opposition, I am still triumphant at day's end regardless if I have actually won the battle against whatever I was fighting -
Because he is the relentlessly unwavering warrior who internally is simply just a flawsome undeterred imperfect invisibly broken graceful mosaic wanting to be seen by someone other than himself -

So if one day I decide to try and let whoever in they I so chose is it not fair that I am so inclined as to be scared of what they'll actually take notice of -
Wondering if it's the guy they’ll see before them?
Or this monster hiding inside of me -
Because it is such a terrifying thought of what they might do if they were to see the real me the realist me I see every time I stare into the mirror I dare not ever ask to get too close -

But let's not jump to conclusions or assume too much too fast or too soon -
For you see whomever wishes to stay I do not ask for much nor do I need anything -
And whomever wishes to stay just know that I need a little room than normal to breathe in and breathe out -
All I ask to whomever wishes to stay, that they do not take off running if they were to discover the real me -
Try and trust, in fact, that I'm not going anywhere -
Along with the promise that I'm not like anyone of your past -

Yeah, there will be times where I'm not so sure that you’ll need or even want me -
But despite that, I'm not going anywhere -
Just know that I shall remain steadfast by your side regardless come what may -
Because whomever has chosen to stay in the aftermath of knowing who I am truly I suggest we try and not take anything for granted because tomorrow is never guaranteed -

Nd whomever has chosen to stay here with me let us always cherish and relish the moment we have by taking one day at a time and embracing all of the moment's that are dearest to the both of us -
And let whomever has chosen to stay here with me know that we shall always attempt to sort out what disgruntled dilemmas we have with one another so that way there is never any animosity between the two of us -
And let whomever has chosen to stay with me be reassured that I rather come to a mutual agreement than continually bickering and bantering about each other’s inadequacies -

Lastly, let whomever chosen to stay here with me share the notion and belief in achieving and having something kinder and gentler than what we once knew and are accustomed to so that whatever whoever is here with me can let it flourish into something other than quite possibly a lingering bittersweet memory -

And if whomever has chosen to stay, I sincerely hope if surgeons that have chosen to stay is not only because they take notice of the relentlessly unwavering warrior that is I but also because they are agreeably understandable that I am also a flawsome undeterred imperfect invisibly broken graceful mosaic back to the longest time desired to be seen by someone other than himself and just maybe whomever has willfully chosen to stay truly does see me in the same fashion as I do myself -