HeartfullyFallen

Stages of Toxin

1.) I want you, lets fix this.
I like your eyes.
The multiple colors swirling to an infinity
Ive only see your pupils expand
when
You stared at me...

But today
The blacks of your eyes
overthrew the blue
The dark
The light
The icy specks
That float into oblivion
All over come by black

You had your toxic.
But you were mine
And just like
You with yours
I'll take mine

2.) I don't want to lose you
Its bad
You're toxic
But the thing about toxicity is
That It's addicting

boy, am I addicted
You've made me want you
And then I got you
And had a taste of your poison
It's harmful

Filling my lungs with the want to kiss you
Like smoke rolling from my lips
Its torturous
I don't want to stay
But I can't bring myself to go

3.) I'm sorry
I'm sorry I'm leaving
I'm sorry I'm guilty
I'm sorry I tried, knowing what would happen
I'm sorry I got addicted
I'm sorry I lead you on
I'm sorry I fell
with thoughtful love

I'm sorry for all my words to you
All the "love" all the hate
I'm sorry I'm not what you wanted
I'm sorry you're not right for me
I'm sorry, I'm sorry

4.) fuck you
You're manipulative
You used suicide as means to make me stay
Telling me you'd down a bottle of pills and start cutting if I left
Fuck you
You hurt me
I'll admit, I'm not perfect, I probably hurt you too but
You're playing the victim
Fuck you, lying... hurting me so much
Getting mad and threatening when I try to go
Fuck you, making me stay
Fuck you...
Lies "I love you"
I'll stay another day

5.) days turn into weeks
I stayed no matter what.
Answered all your texts
Hugged you back
Still let you kiss me
I stayed and I faked
I'm guilty
You make me feel dirty
unwanted

But when you said you love me...
I didn't lie anymore
I didn't say it back
I couldn't
Weeks went by and there goes another month...
of being a whore

6.) I don't want that
I don't want to be like this
I don't want to fake it
I may not be the best person but I hate lies
And I don't want to lie
I don't want... This

7.) I've made up my mind
I'm not good for you
You're not good for me
We're not good
And I'm not okay
You're dragging me down more
I've held my razors more in the past 5 months of you than I did in the 7 years of abuse
I'm hurt
I can't take this
I want to be happy, I'm sorry

8.) fuck you again
It's not gonna work this time
I'm not breaking myself more for you
You conviced me you were helping but you were making me worse
I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you
I still care but this is wrong
Fuck you, messing me up like this
I just want to be okay and you're making that impossible
Fuck you
I care... cared

9.) Again, I'm sorry

10.) Good bye



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