Bella Casillas

\\\"I love you\\\"

"I love you"
Three simple words that can be said and twisted in so many different ways. When she says: I'm sorry I love you but I have to let you go. You feel your heart drop, you feel your eyes water and your stomach turn, and wonder.. what did I do? You guys met roughly 6 years ago and connected instantly. You two met at a book store, looking for the same book, on the same thing. You told her whoever wins this deal gets the book and a number. You won, but let her have the book. Later that day she texted you and asked you if you wanted to go to a book signing on February 9th. You said it's two weeks away and I'll go but I want to go on a coffee date or something before then. So you guys go out and order coffee and that's the first time you memorized something about her. Her coffee. How she liked it, how many sugars, how dark she liked it and exactly what place she liked it from. On your first date you learned that she was hurt, really bad and she needed to be fixed and never broken again. Taking a long shot you asked her out again and she said yes. Another date, then it was the book signing. The book you two argued over the first time you met. Little do you know that book is now gonna mean absolutely everything to you. A little after the book signing you two go and get food. Bam another thing you learn about her, her favorite food. She told you she'll only get it from one place because she's very picky.
You told her you'll deal with it because you're picky too. A few months later you ask her out, and she confidently says yes. The first time you went out in public holding her hand, all people did was stare and it bothered her. But you said nothing can stop us now baby and kissed her. For the first time you kissed her. It felt like millions of stars have just exploded inside of you and your mind was going 100 miles an hour. She told you from the beginning that she wasn't much of a move maker but neither were you. A few months after that you guys went to your family's and officially introduced each other as a couple. Your family absolutely adored her. And it was great. For about 4 years the love was getting stronger and you were saving up your money to buy a ring. By year 5 all the money was saved up and you were gonna go buy a ring, but something wasn't right. She was acting different and every time you asked her what was wrong she said nothing. You caught her crying one night in the bathroom, and asked her what's wrong. She told you nothing I'm just emotional for some weird reason. You tell her ok and kiss her on the forehead. She pulls back and walks away. Now you really sit and try and figure out what's wrong, but she won't tell you.
When she told you she loved you she was so emotionally drained and so unsure if she should say it anymore. So you started thinking what could I have done? She starts listening to breakup songs and sad depressing music. So you go out and buy that ring, thinking hopefully it'll cheer her up.
August 9th you plan to propose, you make sure everything's perfect and right before you're about to get down on one knee she starts crying and says I'm breaking up with you. And walks away. Sitting there, heartbroken and crying, you decide to chase after and just ask "why" over and over and over again. She said "I'm sorry but I found someone that makes me happier then you ever did". You kept on asking her if there was anything you could do to fix it and she just shook her head and said no, nothing can ever fix this, I'm done. You stood up with a red nose and tears running down your face and said ok, I will always love you, and walked away. Over the next few months the memories were becoming stronger and the will to live was getting weaker. August 9th came and you decided you really couldn't live without her. So you went to the store, bought a pack of razor blades and went home to your bathroom. At 7:04 you call her, she's crying and said she has a gun to her head. Turns out that person that "loved" her more was pills, guns and razors. You hang up, drop the blade and rush to her house and open the door then boom, as soon as she sees you, she pulls the trigger. You start crying and run over to her and she's dead. You're "forever" is now dead. So you rush into the car and go 100 miles into rushing traffic, then boom you wake up in the hospital perfectly alive. A week later and you're aloud to go home. You walk into you're house then go straight to your bathroom. You fill the tub with water and sit down with a fresh blade in your hand. You slowly run the blade across your skin as memories start to come back until one memory made you dig into your veins and slice down. The book store.

Comments6

  • OUTBACK

    (LOVE)* ! THE GREATEST* DELUSIONAL* - ILLUSION* - ALL SHALL SO DEFEND* UNTO THE ( DEATH )* ! YOU WANT IT = YOU DON'T GET IT* = YOU SUFFER* ! YOU WANT IT - YOU ATTAIN IT* - IT [CHANGES]* & DRIFTS AWAY ! YOU WANT IT - YOU GET IT - (IT'S PERFECT IN EVERY WAY)* - FOR THE BOTH OF YOU & (DEATH)* (ENDS)* IT ! [ CHECKMATE ]* - ALL THE WAY !

    • Diamond

      Wise!....very very very wise words!

      • OUTBACK

        BUT * ! STILL IT'S { OK } * ! FOR IT IS [ LIVING ] ! ALL THE WAY !

      • OUTBACK

        ( SURVIVE )* ? [ SURVIVE WHAT] ? !

      • Bella Casillas

        This poem was not meant to trigger anyone at any costs. It was meant to show that all the love stories on tv aren't exactly reality all the time. Love is confusing and dangerous, and sometimes people don't see it the same way others do. He committed suicide to be with her, because he felt such a deep connection that he just couldn't let go of her like that.

      • Gary Edward Geraci

        Bella you have great potential please keep writing and look to make beautiful art with your skills.

      • Gary Edward Geraci

        Personally, I'm not into suicide and I would not celebrate your work here or any other work that seeks to present it as the solution. Sorry my friend.

      • OUTBACK

        NO ONES GOING ANYWHERE DS* ! CHECKING OUT ? TO WHRE ? TO SOMEWHERE {OTHER}* THAN WHERE ONE SO { IS } ? SOLUTION{S}*? WE ALL SO { IMAGINE }* OUR (SOLUTION(S}* ! [LIFE]* IS { IRONIC }* & THE (EXPLORATIONAL EXPRESSIONS)* OF ART* - POERTY* -THEATER* MUSIC* - ARE THE (IMAGINED)* JOURNEYS* - EACH OF US - ONE WAY or ANOTHER - TAKE - TO MAKE SOME KIND OF RATIONAL* SENCE* OF IT ALL ! OF COURSE* - { LIFE }* BEING SUCH* THE - IRONIC* UNPREDICTABLE* - ORIGINAL* - [ ARTIST ]* OF ALL* - WILL SIMPLY MAINTAIN ITS MYSTERY* - ITS UNKNOWABILITY* - IT'S MAGICAL PRESENCE - KEEPING US ALL WITHIN THE DARKNESS* of THE LIGHT* ! SUCH IS THE INTRINSIC* NATURE* OF (INFINITY)* !



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