How many times ?

How many times have you faked a
Smile or a laugh?

How many times have you lied
Saying you were fine, when you were really breaking?

How many times have you said
For them to not worry?

How many times have you said
All you needed was a goodnight sleep?

How many times have you lied
To everyone but still hoping they would see through it?

How many times have you told them
Not to worry or that they're paranoid?

How many times have they cared?
One, two, three, maybe thousands.

But how many times have they helped?
One or two? Either because you rejected them
Or because they simply didn't care.

How many times have you hidden
Your arms by using sweaters and 
Grip the sleeves hard?

Just to make sure they would go a bit behind
To make sure no one would see
How many times they have failed
And how many times you lied.

But darling, you meant not to lie
But you meant to protect yourself
Because maybe if you said the truth
And they didn't help,  you would give up.

Because maybe they would hurt you even more
So you lie and hide.

Because maybe you don't want to be saved
But you need to. But they do not see that.

No, they see what they want to see,
They don't see the ugly broken sad truth, no
They see a beautiful lie
They know everything's okay.

And so you lose. My baby, you lose.
You lose because they do not know
Because you protect yourself
Because you're afraid.

And I do not blame you, for I am afraid too
It's easier to settle down with the misery you're already in
Then to adventure in the dark with the fear
Of everything getting worse.

But what you do not know is,
The dark can be warm and friendly.
Maybe if you go through the dark
You will see the light.

For there is no light without the dark
And no dark without the light.
Because you don't know
But you have to find out.

Now for the most important question,
How many times have you tried?
How many times have you adventured in the dark?
And how many times have you settled down for the misery?

Risk it, because sometimes you absolutely have to.
Don't wait for someone else to save you,
Don't wait for your prince.
Save yourself, my love.
Save yourself.