I, The Jilted Anomaly Persona Non-Grata...

INTRO:

Oh, how I wonder if tomorrow was to come and I did not see the rising sun, when in fact, during the night I went quietly into that cold dark void willfully. Would there be anybody who would notice or think twice about my absence? And would there be anyone who would lose a wink of sleep if I was no longer among the living when the sun rose tomorrow? Oh, how I'd be ever so reassured to know if it was truly my time to shed my mortal coils, would I be missed even in the slightest bit by anyone in particular? Or would I fade out of actuality and slip right into obscurity just as things do that have become obsolete and forgotten about by all? And maybe, just maybe somebody would care or miss me if I wasn't so stubborn and proud reckless and loud. Mhm, it's feasible to consider those are the traits that make me The Jilted Anomaly Persona Non-Grata that I most certainly am...

[STANZA 1:]

Oh how the days are becoming dark and the skies are beginning to fall down upon me. I've wound up trapped beneath this wake of unrelenting endless bleak nothingness. And with each passing day, it gets harder to find the light in the darkness that has befallen me. Everything that I once considered beautiful has now turned into a decaying disease perpetually plaguing me. Often I wonder if I was ever to wind up being anything more than this beautifully fucked up unsung shattered forgotten estranged souled battle-born war-torn hopeless lonesome visionary idealist? Would someone do me a goddamn favor and just finish me off either by pulverizing, crushing or decimating the last remaining pieces of barely what exists at all anymore of me!? Then afterward just viciously cleave whatever's left from my flesh right down to my bones, then nonchalantly toss my lifeless bloodied tattered corpse to rest beneath the ashes of what was and never will be again. And if one needs to for some idiot reason, go ahead and feel free to douse my decaying ruins of my life. Then just lite a match and then stand back and watch it all burn down. Smiling cynically knowing that I will never make it back through the smoldering debris. How cruelly sardonic are so many people who consider me to be nothing more than A Jilted Anomaly Persona Non-Grata...

[REFRAIN:]

Hey there! Hello, hello!? Is there a soul around out here amongst this darkness besides just me? Guess not. Since it seems that I do not hear a single sound, with the exception of the eerie sounds of loneliness stirring echoes out in the bleak abyss that is my life. And I'm out here on the edge of my sanity screaming at the top of my lungs like a fool it's almost like I am trying to whisper a prayer in the fury of a chaotic whirlwind storm. Then in the moment of revelation, I abruptly stop yelling into the nothingness and close my eyes trying to pretend the everything and I are all right. But it doesn't help because then I begin wondering if tomorrow was to come and I did not see the rising sun, when in fact, during the night I went quietly into that cold dark void willfully. And the near senseless thought crosses my mind would there be anybody that might think twice about my absence. And is there not one who would lose a wink of sleep or even care to take notice that I was no longer here amongst the living when the sun arose tomorrow? And is there anyone who would truly mourn my loss and miss my existence? Or will I fade out of actuality and slip right into obscurity just as things do that have become obsolete and forgotten about by all? And maybe, just maybe somebody would care or miss me if I wasn't so stubborn and proud, so reckless and loud. Although perhaps it is exactly those traits that make me The Jilted Anomaly Persona Non-Grata that I surely am...

[STANZA 2:]

And at this moment as I lay hereabouts in my cindering tomb listening to the crackling sounds of the smoldering ruins around me I ponder to myself; I knew that eventually, all the shadows of my past would at one point or another encompass me forcing my days to end and it would be then I would have no other choice but to face the real me. And either I would have to give in and give up or persevere against an unforeseen formidable foe. So now it's high time that I willfully choose to unearth myself from this grave to which I have put myself into and stand on the ashes and build an Empire. A lone shotty empire that is a solace and refuge for I too live humbly accepting in. Yeah, admittedly I confess that waking up every morning is entirely a chore in itself alone. It's even harder for me to look at myself in the mirror every day. Without regretfully thinking, yeah, this is the life to which I was forcibly thrusted into and hell no, this isn't the life that I had dreamed of oh so many years ago. All because somewhere along the way, I got inadvertently drawn into an endless war, to which I was battling between what I feel and what I know. It was also during which time I became overwhelmed with trying to continually bury unwanted emotions in the midst of battle. With the hopes that they would stay dead and buried. But alas did not. In my later years to follow they would, without warning arise in full force in much uglier and nastier ways than I thought ever conceivable. And because of the life that I had no other choice to live out, I now feel empty, broken, numb, worthless, purposeless, and out of sorts of this parallel paradox world that I am living in. I am unable to escape the insanely unemotional godforsaken routine every damn day of trying to feel something more than just nihility and being something other than just A Jilted Anomaly Persona Non-Grata...

[REPEAT REFRAIN:]

[STANZA 3:]

And for many years now I've been caught up attempting to carry all the burdens of so many including my own upon my shoulders. Which disturbingly enough to admit that I alone stupidly volunteered to solely bear all by my lonesome. And without really knowing it at first it consumed me and wore me down to the point where it had gotten me feeling so empty and broken inside. It was almost like a never ending chore always trying to uphold all that is not my own problems. Strangely enough, it's only a little too late that I've finally realized this idiocy. But nonetheless, I must evolve in a world where everyone is apathetic, dishonest, deceitful, ungrateful, unappreciative, and mercilessly cynically cruel and dubious towards one another without second thought or hesitation. And by evolving I mean just casually dumping all the burdensome problems that are not mine on the side of the road, leaving it up to all of the douchebaggery fuck tards to sort through the shitstorm of their own lives. And I'd like all to know including myself, that I am not ashamed what I have been through but rather instead I am very proud of what I've overcome so far in my life. Yeah, I'll admit that I quite possibly do have more issues that I could possibly count or begin to fathom. Sure admittedly on my worst days, I'll suddenly go from happy to sad in mere seconds. And on my best days, I'll go from feeling really good to abruptly feeling miserable as fuck for no good reason at all. Hell no, I'm not always going to like myself. Heck, sometimes I'll even assume that there isn't anyone who likes me either, despite what they tell me. I'll have moments where I self-deprave myself not so I can bring myself down but so I can build up myself knowing that I had accepted my inadequacies. Undoubtedly I will push people away and I'll even go as far to driving them to the brink of insanely pissed off. But I guarantee you regret that I feel will cut me deeper than any of the words of hatred spoken by those who detest me the most. Am I alone truly? In a way I am. In the physical sense, technically I am not. However though in the mental sense, I most certainly am the loneliest one could ever possibly be! And am I afraid to be alone? Sort of not really but kind of am. Yeah, sure I know it's kind of silly contradiction. I mean, we are all told at some point or another in our lives that there is someone for each of us. Either a best friend, a companion or a soulmate for life. But what if it's possible that I am the rare exception? Meaning, that I am to have no true best friend or companion or even a soulmate to spend the rest of my days with? No, it's not a terrible predicament that I have wound up in and neither is a disastrous thought that I am A Jilted Anomaly Persona Non-Grata...

[DENOUEMENT:]

And now as the sun sets, I lay myself down to sleep another restless night, I ponder the unsettling thought if tomorrow comes and the brightly-lit sun I do not witness, will anybody care or be the wiser if such happens? Simply because I had gone quietly into that eerie distant dark night willfully. Neigh do I wonder if there will be anybody who would actually miss me in the slightest bit. Nor do I fret if a single person wouldn't mourn my loss. And I dismiss the thought if my lack of absence would ever be noticed by any one person. And I am standing here on the brink of my lonely insanity and out crying into the chaotic stormy darkened oblivion, " Hello! Is there anybody out there, who is caring enough to save me from drowning in this all consuming overwhelming bleak abysmal nihility before it's too late!? Before I get pulled under and asphyxiated by these thoughts which I no longer or my own but that of my demons. I mean come on, isn't there anyone who is compassionate enough to rescue this lost soul from the sea of his own maddening miserable insanity? Oh, how, I am pathetically pleading for an end but the sun has a rose the nightmare has begun again. When suddenly on the shoreline, I see my rescuer, it is I, The Jilted Anomaly Persona Non-Grata...