Fleeting love

I sit alone, wondering
Where you've gone
And why.
Maybe I'm too complicated;
My brain is a mess of tangled wires,
my heart a hopeless
and Delicate thing.
Or perhaps I'm not pretty enough
To gaze upon for long
Without your eyes getting tired.

But I've grown used to it-
This fleeting love
Which I believed to be permanent.
My soul is ancient,
Yet my mind is young,
And they are at war with
One another.
My soul tells me to be wary
While my mind forces me to trust.
With all of this fighting,
The smoke and the screaming,
The gunshots...
I cannot see
Nor can I hear.
So everything becomes blurred,
Unclear and confusing.

I ask myself if you told the truth
When you said you loved me.
I hear a voice saying "no"
And another screaming "yes".
I don't know which one
Is the correct answer.

I long to be held in your embrace-
Your strange, cryptic embrace
That feels only partially honest.
But you're not here
So I shiver while loneliness
Swallows me whole
Only chewing my heart.

Love is a curious thing;
It is reckless and its
movements are bestial.
It likes to hide in plain sight
While producing a beautiful,
Ethereal type of pain
That nothing else can create.
And, though we were taught
That its antonym is hate,
Love's true opposite
Is indifference
Like the indifference
You so proudly bear now.