Oh Why, Oh Why Can't I?

Dent Moses

I'm still crazy
I'm still crazy

You're the one to know
If I have to go
You only have to say

Please don't go away
Please don't go away
Please don't go away
Please don't go away

You remind me of the sky
Soft and I can only feel It's infinite space
Soft and I can only see the clouds

It's the Fourth of July
Oh why oh why can't I

  • Author: Dent Moses (Offline Offline)
  • Published: July 5th, 2017 09:16
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views: 89
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Comments +

Comments3

  • Stephen.Sapaugh

    I'm glad that you are putting time and effort into writing poems dentmoses, however I would like to say that punctuation would help this poem a lot. And, wouldn't you better classify this more like a song? Also, I don't understand the repetition.

    • Dent Moses

      You also didn't understand the lack of punctuation

      • Stephen.Sapaugh

        I\'m not trying to be rude or mean. If you would like to comment on my poems you most certainly can. The problem I have with this one is that when you read it what happens is there is no stops to allow you to take a breath. It\'s like that last sentence I just wrote. Your brain wants you to stop somewhere, but because the sentence has no punctuation you just know something is amiss.

        I hope this helps. If I were to grade this poem I would give it a 2/10

        • Dent Moses

          I know what punctuation does, I left it out on purpose. There is no breath in between.
          Something "is" amiss.
          Also, it doesn't help and I don't appreciate your opinion.
          You should be ashamed of yourself, a rating? Really? It's a fucking poem leave me alone

          • Stephen.Sapaugh

            I\'m just attempting to illicit conversation, and make people better at their craft. Also, the problem is you have 0 punctuation. Even one period would help.

            • Dent Moses

              What are you a teacher? Poetry and art is not better or worse it simply is. And this poem lacks punctuation because something is amiss and I wanted you to feel that. so, one period would not help. It would completely dismantle the entire piece.

            • Tony36

              Wonderful write

              • Dent Moses

                Thanks tony, I'm glad you like it ☺️

                • Tony36

                  Welcome

                • orchidee

                  Oh dear! It may not be wise to give ratings 'out of 10' to poems. I don't mind it on my poems though.
                  I understand lack of punctuation. I don't tend to put much punctuation in my poems - maybe just speech marks, etc.
                  I suppose we can 'draw breath' at the end of each line. It is one continuous poem, but set out as you have chosen.



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