that in any advance given by idea then lay down the entirety of it all
and of being involved in the defiance of one's owns troubles
when a snapping sound evolves into a mouth full of whippets
'Beware's' beware for the distance rebelling are the wars in tow
whilst scrumptiously thinking and consuming unhealthy on a bad thought
in touch with us are we as none to a penny and even have forgotten
where the bitches of our tools to create in such slander
flogging words that die upon discovery of a foul-mouthed-toad
that castles in on the loneliness of all the ones who want to be
and the flair induced the flames to burn you to the ground
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Author:
kingkev101 (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: July 5th, 2017 18:45
- Comment from author about the poem: me being a rebel against a rebel. very rare!
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 40
Offline)
Comments6
You have a lot of great words mingled together. They are dancing a dance that many don't tango. That being said, I don't get some of the word usage. I think it might be the old Brit-American break down. For instance when you use Whippet are you referring to the dog, or are you referring to a drug that Americans use to get high? When you use bitches are you talking again about a female dog, or about people? At any rate your poem fills my mouth, and certainly is a tongue twister. I have a hard time with it just like with many other poems here on poetic side due to the lack of commas, and periods. I don't know where you want me to place them when I read it. This makes it hard for me to appreciate it in it's glory. If I were to grade your poem I would give it a 6/10 due to the lack of commas. Other than that you have a real gem here. A diamond in the rough that is still in the rough if I might say. My favorite line is Beware's beware for the distance rebelling are the wars in tow
Please look at and review my poem(s) and tell me what you think! I hoped this helped. If not tell me so!
whippet=dog, bitches=people, tools=in making. my apologies for the lack of wording correctly and more extensively. this typically is not my language and I was quite upset with the way someone spoke to me. I should have slowed slightly down a little, the reason why I am in due to lack of interest. upon your advice, I may re-write this for you to see how it would have turned out. I'm glad you saw the little of what I wrote and how to re-word it also.
I have just left a NOT WELCOME comment on his poem 'Perplexionary Ode', it's worth a read.
your poem was great wonderfully worded. I never use punctuation in any of my poetry. its more free for the reader. its easier for him or her to make their own choice with what they have just read.
LOL. I love to read you guys comments. I was waiting till someone would begin to fight the criticism. What some people do not understand is that even if a blind person is awaiting for help to cross a street, it is respectfull to ask them if they want your help. It is always smart to think that they might be there just appreciating the sound of the cars passing by.
Thanks for the great writing and for the precious comments.
well said, malubotelho, often enough we miss or mistake the target point of the matter and looking in from the outside is always a V.I.P to be. I thank you for being a personal assistant who sat at the back advising, unlike me.
It is really fun. I thank you. This is getting only better.
and i didn't expect all this for' on a bad thought'.
A wonderful use of many different words in one poem! A great read
Powerful word flow! I especially liked the phrase "the bitches of our tools,"
And BTW: I've spent some time with the 'Hawk & Trowel' myself.
Nice job!
Kurt
thanks, friend.
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