Justice

Every inch of me just wants to go and just see him ..tell him how I feel and what he did was wrong.. it took a long time just to get to know who I was everything was taught to me was just a lie...and none of this was true and here I am left to put the pieces together it wouldn't do any better and any help any justice I suppose cuz he will be either protected with a glass window...I want to hurt him is that a normal feeling punch him in every part of his body... blow for blow but that's not of God that's that anger and hatred that I have ...they tell me Satan is trying to control me of my hate and anger and fear but they don't know cuz half of them haven't been through what I've been through so how would you even understand the feelings that I'm going through.. unwanted feelings... nightmares cold sweats not wanting to eat don't want to wake up half the time don't want to sleep... When i look at myself in the mirror .. sometimes hating yourself you feel as if this is your fault... you done this and this is something that you could have controlled and prevented from happening... if only you would have just listened. it's all on you.. If you would have obeyed... if only you would have just been that child you had supposed to been,then you would have been in the right place at the right time instead of the wrong place at the wrong time... scared hurt pain you don't even want to go outside at times steady looking out the window always watching your back trying to change your disguise...your face just in case you're recognizable cuz we don't want that.. so it is  always going to be something that seems as if.. Until the day that I die ...why do I have to go through this and I thought this was all behind me but yet it's not...there's still some things that I just hold onto and I can't let go and I don't know why and I don't have answers either and half of the time I don't even want to cry cuz crying is not going to do anything it's not going to make it any better then you left alone with these unwanted thoughts your brain won't stop spinning... and that's when I concluded... probably doesn't even matter don't even think this man even has a conscience... oh I can't wait till the day that I seek Justice!