Profanity.

Profanity.
I am crying.
Kicking & screaming.
Kicking myself.
Screaming at myself.
Wondering why the fuck,
Why the fuck do you do what you do ?
Why do you tell people, people
Who you don't even know
Your deepest things ?
The stuff that keeps you up
At night.
The stuff that makes you day
Dream in class.
The shit that you wish
You never did.
Whenever I get in my deepest
Thoughts, I feel like someone,
Anyone has the nerve to ask me
“what's wrong?”
“why do you look sad?”
“do you need someone to
talk to?”
Nothing's wrong, i'm doing
Just fine.
I don't look sad, it's just my fucking
Face.
No, I don't need someone to talk,
I have myself.
When in reality
I'm hurting from the pain
Of my never ending thoughts.
I'm holding back tears so I don't
Fuck up my mascara.
& If I talked to you I think my eyes
just might explode.
So fuck you & your fake concern
For me.
Asking me if i'm ok
Just to get a front row seat
Into my life.
Not my life,
My fake life.
My emotional life.
The life that we all put into
Existence.
With out emotions.
With out our emotions,
We would be emotionless.
Dispassionate, passionless,
Unexpressive, inexpressive,
Cold, cold hearted,
Detached, indifferent.
So please,
get the fuck out my face
with your fakeness.
The way you act,
The way you carry yourself,
You would think you were made in
A fucking doll shop.
You're fake from top to bottom.
The smell of your breath is plastic.
What you & I need to realize is that not everyone
Will be there for you.
Just because someone asks you if you're ok
doesn't mean they actually give a fuck if you're ok.
They want to know what's hurting you.
what's bringing you down.
what's making you feel the way you feel.
I never believed in magic until my dog turned
Into a snake & who I thought was my blood actually
Turned out to be water with red food coloring in it.
I am kicking & screaming at myself because
As soon as I opened my mouth to explain to you
What was wrong you started smiling.
I opened up.
I let you in.
I let you know why I was hurting.
To think you really listened.
To think you actually gave my
Feelings some consideration.
To believe you really cared about
What I was saying.
But it's okay.
Trust me, it's ok.
I'll be fine.
I have myself & no one
Except me, can take myself
Away from me.